Colorado FSA

Valentine's Day Playgroup

2012-02-25T07:08:00.000-08:00

Come celebrate Valentine's Day with all your FSA friends!

Friday, February 3rd 2012 from 1-4 p.m.

We are getting together to make valentines for birth parents and to eat a snack/treat! Let's show our love for our kids birth parents with a handmade card, picture, etc. It will be held at Kylee's house, so if you are coming, email her at russandkylee(at)gmail(dot)com to get her address. We hope to see you there!

New Year and New Hope

2012-01-03T10:03:00.000-08:00

Are you looking for a bit of inspiration for the New Year? Here is a great article about a reunion 77 years in the making. We hope that it feels you with a bit of inspiration and a bit of hope for 2012.

Mom reunites with biological child 77 years later

By Amy Taxin, Associated Press

SAN CLEMENTE, Calif. (AP) - For most of her 100 years, Minka Disbrow tried to find out what became of the precious baby girl she gave up for adoption after being raped as a teen.

She hoped, but never imagined, she'd see her Betty Jane again.

The cruel act of violence bore in Disbrow an enduring love for the child. She kept a black and white photograph of the baby bundled in blankets and tucked inside a basket.

It was the last she saw of the girl _ until the phone rang in her California apartment in 2006 with the voice of an Alabama man and a story she could have only dreamed.

Disbrow, the daughter of Dutch immigrants, weathered a harsh childhood milking cows on South Dakota dairy farms. Her stepfather thought high school was for city kids who had nothing else to do. She finished eighth grade in a country schoolhouse with just one teacher and worked long hours at the dairy.

On a summer day in 1928 while picnicking with girls from a sewing class, Disbrow and her friend Elizabeth were jumped by three men as they went for a walk in their long dresses.

Both were raped.

"We didn't know what to do. We didn't know what to say. So when we went back, nothing was said," Disbrow recalled.

Months passed. Her body began to change.

Disbrow, who had been told babies were brought by storks, didn't know what was happening.

Her mother and stepfather sent her to a Lutheran home for pregnant girls. At 17, she gave birth to a blond-haired baby with a deep dimple in her chin and named her Betty Jane.

In her heart, Disbrow longed to keep her. But her head and her mother told her she couldn't bring an infant back to the farm.

A pastor and his wife were looking to adopt a child. She hoped they could give Betty Jane the home she couldn't.

"I loved that baby so much. I wanted what was best," Disbrow said.

You can read the rest of the article here: http://www.ksl.com/?nid=157&sid=18711325

Failed Adoption-Part 2

2011-11-30T07:00:00.000-08:00

We hadn't heard from our birth mom for a good while. I felt some conflicting feelings about "unfriending" her on Facebook, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. She was never on, but I still couldn't break that connection.

We were beginning to get nervous because our nearby siblings were getting ready to have babies of their own, and we knew it would be a source of more pain. We started praying about finding jobs in a new state...almost like running away, but approved by Heavenly Father! We didn't want to do anything stupid, but we really just wanted to leave. We searched and prayed, and quickly found a job in Texas (we were hoping for Washington state.....!). We plowed full steam ahead and started preparations to leave. We fully remodeled our home (somehow it sold in 15 days...huge blessing), packed up a crazy amount of junk, and were preparing to drive off in our Uhaul in just a few days.

I was of course feeling a full range of emotions, and I felt that I was at my wits end with the adoption process. I tearfully blogged that it was time we give up our efforts to adopt, that Heavenly Father would have to instruct us in a different avenue. I was too emotionally drained to even consider transferring our adoption records out to Dallas, and starting over with a new LDSFS location. I swear to you, I am not making this up: mere hours passed (probably about 2) when my phone started ringing. Caller ID said it was Kelly Stohl. He must have read my blog, I thought. He's either calling to beg me not to cut off our efforts, or else to tell me how to cut off our efforts! I answered, and listened. Then I burst into tears. Our birth mother was possibly changing her mind again. She texted him and said she had been praying for a month, and she knew she made the wrong decision. She would call us that night, but she wanted a few more days to really make up her mind. We only had a few days to go before leaving. We got her call that night, and we were honest about our feelings. We were kind, of course, and so grateful that she was considering us again. But we were also afraid. What if she didn't go through with it? What if she was just tired because the baby was crying a lot? We couldn't risk getting excited over something that could hurt us again. She told me that she had been watching me on Facebook. She had originally been afraid that we would sever contact with her after placement, but now felt reassured that since I had kept her as a "friend", she knew she would know what we were up to all the time! I'm SO glad I didn't "unfriend" her!

After a few days, we got the call from Kelly to meet up at 3pm for the placement. It was the first time we had seen our birth mother and the baby in 3 months. The placement was emotionally charged, with hugs and tears all around. So much was happening in our lives during that week, we felt that we were in a walking dream! Our beautiful baby was home with us! Not 2 days later, we loaded all 3 of us (!) into the Uhaul, and with our dog at our feet, we headed out to Texas.

Over time, we were most blessed to feel peace regarding the whole experience. Although Heavenly Father's promise to us was kept, and placement did eventually happen, it took time for the emotional wounds to heal. We came to understand that these events were orchestrated by a loving Father in Heaven for a reason. Our birth mother needed to try. She needed an opportunity to do her best so that she could have peace knowing that her baby truly is in the right family now. She would always have wondered, had doubts, and possibly regretted the placement, had she not tried. I couldn't ever be happy knowing that she may have regrets. Mark and I never would have moved to Texas had the placement happened right away. We have been given so many blessings here, career-wise and in many other ways. We were out of opportunities in Colorado, but we would have stayed, because we would never have willingly gone so far from our birth mother. Although in-person visits aren't as frequent, we are in close contact with our birth mother still, as we promised.

Kelly told us that he doesn't know of any statistics regarding a failed adoption-turned-success. It's just extremely uncommon. In 2009, Kelly told us that about 4 of his placements had failed, which is surprisingly a lot. Although our story is a success story in the end, I don't want to glaze over the immense and overwhelming pain that a failed placement causes. It is so completely overwhelming, and it is depression-causing. I implore anyone who is experiencing this to seek professional counseling. With both spouses in so much pain, it is impossible to comfort each other with a sound mind. It's best to have someone outside of the situation there to help you. Also, please, PLEASE do not do anything to hurt or offend the birth mother. There were times in our healing process where we felt very angry, and we wanted to project our anger onto our birth mom, because we felt that she had caused our pain. We are immensely grateful that we didn't follow through with it. Even if your story with her doesn't end with success, she may still refer you to another girl she knows. It has happened before. Please, don't hurt her!

If you want more information on healing from a failed adoption, please refer to The R House's Failed Placement post.

Guest Blogger-Tiffany: Failed Adoption-Part 1

2011-11-29T07:00:00.000-08:00

Tiffany and Mark experienced a failed placement and have an interesting story to tell. Tiffany agreed to share their story with us so we could have a better idea of how difficult this experience is. Their story will be shared in two parts, so stay tuned for the rest of it tomorrow.

I'm here today to talk about failed adoptions. This is a difficult post for me to write, not because my emotions are raw, but because I have a full understanding and peace in my heart regarding our failed placement. While I still feel sadness looking back over how much pain we felt, I have a complete understanding of the reason Heavenly Father allowed us to experience this. While it was the most difficult experience either of us have had to navigate, it was also the most profoundly blessed experience as well.

In November 2009, after about 1 1/2 years of adoption preparations and waiting, we received an email from a potential birth mother asking us questions about ourselves. It was of course very exciting and unnerving at the same time! Mark called me into the front room, shouting "Tiffany! We got an email from a birth mom...come quick!". We read the questions from her over and over again, wondering how to answer them. We immediately prayed, and probably spent a couple of hours on a response - deleting, retyping, etc, until we felt we had the best answers we could give. It was so scary! What if she didn't like our answers? What if she wasn't real? It was exciting and scary.

The next day was Sunday, and happened to be the FSA Adoption fireside. It was held in the Yale/Monaco building in Denver (which is important, because that is where Mark and I met for the first time!). We still hadn't received a response from this woman, and we had a lot of questions for our case worker, Kelly. We decided to wait until after the fireside was over to bring the experience up to him to see what his thoughts and guidance would be. The fireside was magnificent; the spirit was so strong. I couldn't keep my composure, and cried through the whole event. I remember being upset that I had not used waterproof mascara, and frustrated that I felt I looked bad. After the fireside was completed, we waited for a little while to speak to Kelly - it seemed that everybody wanted to talk to him! We finally got our chance, but before we could say anything, he excitedly asked "Have you seen her? Have you talked to her yet?!". We were confused, and he could tell. "She's here to see you, you know?...Here at the fireside tonight".

Holy cow.

Now I was extra upset that I hadn't worn waterproof mascara! We waited for what felt like forever while she talked with another couple she was interested in - some of our friends. It was definitely a strange feeling. When we did get to talk to her, I feel that we really hit it off! She was so sweet, and things just started clicking into place. She asked if we knew if we wanted a boy or girl. We told her that it wasn't an issue to us (although we really felt strongly about a girl, we didn't want to scare her away). When she told us she was pregnant with a girl, my stomach literally flipped...literally! I couldn't believe this was happening! At the end of the night while leaving, Mark told me how surreal the evening was, and I agreed. It just felt so funny! We go in expecting to be reassured of our testimony of adoption, and we leave just having met our potential birth mother!

We kept in touch over the next couple of days, and started going to dinner, movies and ice cream to get to know each other better over the coming weeks. In fact, I'll always remember going to Cold Stone with her during a snow storm. It was really a lot of fun. I had a quick trip to Utah to visit my sister the following week when we got "The" email. She picked us! She wanted us to be the parents of her baby! It truly was a dream come true, there's just no other way to say it.

The next few weeks were a blur. Thanksgiving, baby shower, prep, prep, prep. Baby was originally due December 9th, but the date was then pushed out to December 15th. We had so much to do! We had so much fun getting Christmas clothes together, and I spent my days dreaming of looking at Christmas lights while strolling along with our perfect little girl and sipping hot chocolate.

Our little girl was born December 15th via c-section (little stinker was breach!). We waited patiently until we could enter the post-op area. We knew that our birth mother's family was not pleased about the adoption arrangements, and it made it a bit uncomfortable to be there with them all. We did the best we could to keep things light and respectful. We decided that it would be best for our families to stay home, and we would bring the baby to see them when the placement was complete. We wanted to reserve that time in the hospital for her birth family to love her, and eventually say their goodbyes. We came every day to visit, bring gifts and pictures, and snuggle with our girl. There were lots of little clues during those first 3 days in the hospital that indicated things were not going according to plan, but we continued to pray, and we were assured by Heavenly Father that this was indeed our child. He made it clear to us in very sacred and personal ways. We had faith that things would come together.

On the 4th day, while Mark and I were both leaving work and preparing to go pick up our little one from the hospital after placement, Kelly called and said that they went home. Our birth mother had been released earlier in the day, and decided to take the baby with her.

The adoption would not happen.

That Christmas was the worst day I have ever had. We were destroyed. Mark and I couldn't comfort each other, because we were individually hurting so bad. We didn't know anyone who had experienced this before, and we had no guidance on how to heal. It was terrible. The remainder of the year was spent with blinds closed, and too much food. Our family and friends poured out their love to us, with cards, meals, treats and hugs. I really think it was the only way we stayed somewhat sane. Most of the time we cried, and we kept our adorable brown and pink nursery closed up tight.

During the course of the next few months, Mark and I secretly would go in the nursery and cry by ourselves. It was so awful, but I really feel it was our way of accepting and mourning. It was very difficult, but over time, things got better.

In the Spirit of Thanksgiving

2011-11-23T18:42:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving! We hope you are able to focus on the many blessings in your life this weekend! This is a fun clip to remind us to be grateful for everything in our lives...big and small, good and bad.

Elder Dallin H. Oaks said, "We should thank God for our adversities and pray for guidance in meeting them...Let us give thanks for what we are and for the circumstances God has given us for our personal journey through mortality."

Guest Blogger Kim: Family History and Adoption

2011-11-16T06:47:00.003-08:00

I love genealogy! In the years before I was married and had children, I was able to document and do temple work for many of my ancestors. It was thrilling to get to know my progenitors and to learn more about their stories. Because my mother is a convert to the church and is not American (she's from Finland) I felt great pride in my ancestral roots. When we adopted our son, I felt a pang in my heart knowing that he may never know his biological ancestry.

I heard a speaker at an adoption conference once say, "When people ask how I'm going to teach my adopted children about their heritage, I tell them that my heritage is their heritage.". We know that the sealing power of the temple does bind our adoptive children to us as if they were our biological children. I have a strong testimony that this is true. But, to say that your child's biological heritage doesn't matter is to deny who they are. They inherited certain traits from different ancestors along the way; most of whom they'll never know. My son's sense of humor, his musical talent, his athletic strength all came through a heritage that make up who he is. With transracially adopted children the issue of heritage and genealogy becomes even more important and complicated.

As a mother I want my children to have a strong sense of who they are. I want them to be confident and proud of their heritage, their race and their identity. What I want my adopted children to know is that I love them exactly how they are, and that they have two heritages to be proud of...and to research if they choose. It will be up to them how much they want to know or find out about their biological roots and also their adoptive roots. The gift that I can give to them is my support in whatever they choose, and more importantly, I must let them know that I love them and who they are because of their biological heritage, not inspite of it.

PSA: A Father's Role

2011-11-08T15:58:00.000-08:00

If you are having trouble viewing this PSA you can also visit the link: http://youtu.be/Wnwx1kI4s9o

What are You Passionate about?

2011-11-06T06:09:00.000-08:00

Can you guess what these friends are passionate about?

Thanks to the Provo FSA chapter for putting together this slideshow.

Consider joining your local FSA program. Come to an activity, or join the board. We'd love to have you.

Spotlight on Foster Care

2011-11-05T07:59:00.000-07:00

The world has millions of orphans and some of those orphans can be found within the borders of our own state. Today we wanted to spotlight Foster Care in Colorado while featuring this song from Steven Curtis Chapman. How have you been blessed by adoption?

8,754 children were in the foster care system in Colorado on September 30, 2003.
The average length of stay for children in care on September 30, 2003 was 24 months.
58% of the young people leaving the system in FY 2003 were reunified with their birth
parents or primary caregivers.
In 2002, there were a total of 3,641 licensed non-relative foster homes in Colorado
Of children with state agency involvement adopted in FY 2003, 58% were adopted by their
non-relative foster parents and 31% were adopted by relatives.

You can read more foster care statistics at National Resource Center for Family Permanency and Family Connections If you would like to learn more about Colorado Foster Care, please visit: http://www.changealifeforever.org/index.asp If you would like to learn more about waiting children you can visit the The Adoption Exchange Heart Gallery

How has love taking you in? We would love to share your story. Please consider submitting your adoption stories to coloradofsa@gmail.com. We would like to highlight adoption stories in November as part of National Adoption Awareness Month. If you would like ideas on how to celebrate Adoption Awareness Month with your family check out National Adoption Awareness Calendar

The Power of a 30 second PSA

2011-11-04T12:16:00.000-07:00

November is National Adoption Awareness Month. Here is a little PSA you can share with your friends and family about the joys of adoption.

Everything to Me

2011-11-02T07:07:00.000-07:00

Another great video of what a son would say to his birth mother.

November is National Adoption Month and we hope you will share your love of adoption.

November is...

2011-11-01T07:02:00.000-07:00

National Adoption Month. And throughout the month we would like to share our love of adoption. Here is a quick video that shows the many faces of adoption. If you would like to share your story and love for adoption please email coloradofsa@gmail.com.

FSA Fasting and Temple Day

2011-10-21T07:00:00.000-07:00

Mark your calendars for the upcoming Fasting/Temple/Dinner night!

Who: YOU! And all other FSA members

What: Schedule a fast for yourself in support of adoption. Then come to the Denver Temple for a 30 minute chapel session followed by an endowment session. Then join us for dinner at the Olive Garden for dinner!

When: Saturday, October 29. Chapel Session starts at 2:00pm, Endowment Session starts at 2:30pm, Dinner is after the session.

Where: Denver LDS Temple, followed by Olive Garden at County Line and University in Highland's Ranch.

Why: Because we love adoption! Plus it's fun to spend time with everyone.

We hope to see you all there! Please let one of the Board members know if you have any questions. :) Also, if you are part of the Facebook group, please RSVP to this activity so that we can get an accurate count of all attendees. We want to let the restaurant know how many of us to expect so that we can be considerate of them.

If you can't come to the temple, please consider joining us for dinner. All our welcome.

Kim: Martin Luther King's Dream

2011-10-18T06:52:00.000-07:00

When my husband and I chose to adopt two African American babies, we naively thought that love conquers all. We had some idea that there would be challenges, but what we've learned as a transracial family is that race is still an issue in America. And, what was once someone else's struggle has become our struggle because it is now our children who often are judged solely by their skin color. One family member who was upset about our adopting transracially told us angrily, "You've made your bed. Now you lie in it." To which my husband responded, "They are my children. I will!"

In January of this year our family had a little celebration of Martin Luther King Jr.'s life and all he did for Americans of color, and consequently for all Americans. Because our children are so young, we decided to read them a children's book about King's life entitled "Martin's Big Words" by Doreen Rappaport and Bryan Collier. It is beautifully illustrated and so perfect for small children mixing the story of his life with many of his own words.

As soon as I opened my mouth to start our lesson, I started crying, and I cried throughout; Kent had to read the book to the children because I was too emotional. How can I put into words how much the Civil Rights Movement has affected me personally and our family? How can I not shed tears thinking of my children being treated as unworthy and less-than? How do I explain to my little ones that the pure love they have for each other is so uncommon and unknown in much of the world? Maija said it best, "Mommy, thinking of this makes my heart sad. I don't think skin matters except to hold in the insides of our bodies." Couldn't have put it better myself.

Even Kent shed a few tears when he read the following while reading Martin Luther King's own words:

"I have a dream that one day ... little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers."

At least that part of his dream has been fulfilled in a very real way right here in the walls of our home. If only we could all see each other's insides (metaphorically speaking) and be able to love one another truly as brothers and sisters. If only we could see men's hearts as our savior, Jesus Christ, does and truly judge not "by the color of their skin but by the content of their character."

Guest Blogger: Natalee

2011-10-11T07:00:00.000-07:00

Today we are honored to hear from Natalee. Natalee was adopted as an infant and loves adoption! We asked her to share her story and her views on adoption, which she did beautifully. So, keep on reading...

More than anything in the world, my mother wanted children. Eight children, to be exact. This was her dream, for her whole life. Sadly, things didn’t exactly work out the way she planned. After suffering from secondary infertility for 7 years, my mother had 2 sons, found out she couldn't have any more children; and had a hysterectomy. My parents were devastated, and my mom desperately wanted daughters. So, they started looking into international adoption.

They finally found some help, which led them to a young woman in Colombia who was 21 and pregnant with her 3rd child. She'd already lost custody of her first two to the paternal grandparents, and knew she could not provide for this baby; financially, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually.

It took nearly a year of waiting, paperwork, and red tape—time which my father refers to as “his” pregnancy, before they finally managed to hold me in their arms as a four month old baby.

4 years later, they adopted my younger sister, a beautiful biracial baby with big brown eyes. We couldn't ask for anything more in life.

My whole life, my mom and dad made sure to tell me that my birth mom loved me so much that she gave me to them, because she couldn't give me what I needed. I never once felt abandoned or unwanted. If there is one thing that my parents did perfectly, it was make me feel special because I had three parents that loved me and gave me everything. The things they said to me, and the love they gave me, helped me to know that I was always wanted. I just got to my family a different way than other kids.

I’m eternally grateful to my birth mother for her sacrifice. Without that selfless act, I would be in a completely different place. I have a college degree; I am married to the most wonderful and perfect man in the world, and have a beautiful and smart son of my own. We plan on adopting someday, to keep the tradition going.

I once found a card she wrote me; it asked me to please not hate her. Now I wish I could find her, simply because I want her to know how eternally grateful I am for the opportunities she gave me because of that one decision so many years ago.

My birth mother did something for me that my own parents never could; she gave me not only life, but a life. A life with opportunity and chances that I would not have had if she'd kept me. For that, I will be forever grateful, and will love that woman for her sacrifice for the rest of my life.

My only wish now, is that we could find a different phrase than "giving UP" for adoption. It's not giving up--it's so much more than that.

Do you know someone hoping to adopt?

2011-10-05T09:23:00.000-07:00

Last Friday we had a very successful Outreach activity. We had good food, friends, children and completed our service project. But we need your help.

Do you know someone who is hoping to adopt?

We are in desperate need of Pass Along Cards to be included in the Outreach Packets.

How do you get them to us?

Mail them to the

LDS Family Services

C/O FSA

3263 Fraser Street, Suite 3

Aurora, Colorado 80011

Give them to any member of the FSA Board

How many Pass Along Cards should I send?

Please send only 30 cards.

Why do you want them?

This is a great way to showoff the hopeful adoptive couples to caseworkers, hospital staff, and expectant parents who might not otherwise have time or the convenience of searching for an online profile. It's like having a mini paper profile.

Will you take cards from couples hoping to adopt from outside of Colorado and Wyoming?

Yes, because we have the packets ready but no cards we would willing accept cards from couples hoping to adopt from all 50 states.

How do I make these cards?

Here are a few ideas. If you need help you can always contact a member of the Colorado FSA board for more help.

The Booklet, Someone's Missing details how to make Pass Along cards.

1. Include a Family Picture and Contact Information

Choose a Family picture that shows your personality.
Choose a picture without sunglasses (it has often been said "eyes are the windows to the soul", so show them off!)
Choose a picture that tells a story
Have close family and friends look at your pictures and tell you what they think
If your most recent pictures are from your wedding, consider getting some updated ones.
Your contact information should be the way you want your birth parents to contact you but also maintain your privacy.
Setup an email that has birth parents in mind.
Avoid using your last name or identifying information.
Some people use a cell phone number or 1-800 number to talk with their birth parents.

Here is a list of contact information that could be on your card:

First Names
Hope to Adopt
Email Address
Online Profile or Website
Blog Address
Caseworker Name and Number
Profile Number on Itsaboutlove.org

2. Keep Cards with you at all times

We've all seen the fish bowls filled with Business Cards at local eateries. Toss in your Adoption Pass Along card, if nothing else you might get a free lunch.
Leave a Pass Along card with your bill at a Restaurant.
Give them to anyone who asks you questions like "How long have you been married?" Or "When are you going to have more kids?" Turn insensitive and awkward moments into an adoption conversation.

3. Put Cards in letters

Put a Pass Along Card in every letter you send.
Send it with your monthly bills
Sent it in your Christmas or Holiday cards.

4. Hand them out at gatherings with family members and friends. Give them to a ward and stake leaders and to people you serve with in your ward and community.

This is the real fun part, where you can think outside the box. You can literally give away your cards to anyone. One of the great features of a pass along card/business card is that it is small. Most people will readily accept it because they can put it in their pocket, wallet or pursue. Remember some people might not accept it and that is okay.

At the National FSA blog you can see more examples of Pass Along Cards. Also check out this website: http://www.adoptionpassalongcards.com/

Unpack Your Bags

2011-09-27T07:54:00.000-07:00

My husband, Nicholas, got some great advice from his Bishop growing up prior to leaving for his mission to Brazil in regards to his suitcases. He was told to always "unpack your bags." It was literal advice, but really a metaphor for how he could treat seemingly temporary situations. For example, when he would have a tough companion or difficult transfer or frustrating situation, treating the place and circumstance like it was permanent would help him to change his perspective from hanging on for dear life to actively engaging in improving the situation he was in at the time.

I have tried to apply that same advice throughout our infertility and adoption process. We're all waiting for something, right? Waiting to get chosen, waiting to get fingerprints back, waiting for tests, waiting for pregnancy, waiting for a birth, waiting to find our family, or any number of other things. We're all waiting, hoping, wishing, and praying for that one thing that will relieve our sorrow, sadness, anxiety, fear, and/or pain.

Ya know what, unpacking your bags in those situations is really hard. Holding onto hope and yet finding a way to move forward in life despite uncertainty is really hard. It relies on faith that as you unpack your bags for your current situation that God will provide you an opportunity to pack them up again and move towards a new adventure in life. To me, unpacking my bags meant planning like our childless and infertile situation would change with every phone call, and living each day like it would never change. That's really hard! Unpacking your bags means you not only rely upon God's timing for your new adventure, but also the specific adventure that God chooses for you.

President Uchtdorf of the Mormon church said it like this: "Never stop striving for the best that is within you. Never stop hoping for all of the righteous desires of your heart. But don't close your eyes and hearts to the simple and elegant beauties of each day's ordinary moments that make up a rich, well lived life!"

Looking towards the promises of tomorrow and yet making the most of the life that you have today, like I've said, is really hard! Finding the balance between hoping for tomorrow and living for today is something many spend their entire lives trying to master, and few actually achieve. While I can't say that I've mastered it, one thing that has really helped me is I've done my best to continue my learning and education. Putting myself in situations and around people that have inspired me to develop talents and learn new things has made it possible for me to be excited for the future, no matter what it holds or when righteous desires I have for myself and for my family happen.

Whatever it is that you are waiting for, whatever hope you have for the future, I encourage you to immerse yourself in the life you have been blessed with now! Unpack your bags and commit to living the best possible life that you can now! New blessings and opportunities will present themselves tomorrow, but that does not diminish the wonder, excitement, and value of the blessings and opportunities of today. May God bless you and your family with all the righteous desires of your hearts!

Our family just became legal on September 20, 2011 after 5 years of hoping and waiting for children to come. Pictured left to right: Kelly Stohl (caseworker), Me (Rachel/Mommy), Alexa (Piglet), Nick (Daddy), and Ray Goodwin (lawyer).

***My family was blessed with a child through the miracle of adoption back in February 2011.

If you want to read more about how this experience has changed our lives, please visit our blog

A Little Time, A Little Miracle, because even miracles take a little time.***

Open Adoption...and Why We Love It!

2011-09-27T07:00:00.000-07:00

We have an open adoption...and it has been wonderful! Lately, I feel like I've been telling a lot of people about it, and I have tried to let them know why all the horrible scenarios they've heard of are not a worry to me. But, I also realize that I didn't really understand open adoption before we had started our adoption process, and along the way I've learned a lot.

When Andrew and I first started the adoption process, we knew we wanted an open adoption, mainly because we had been told that almost all birth moms today want open adoptions. We figured if we wanted to be selected, we would need to be willing to be open. And then...our eyes were opened! We talked to our caseworker, talked to other couples at our training, and someone also referred us to the R House blog, where we learned some more about open adoption. From there, we kept doing research and reading stories from adoptive couples and birth moms. Our love for all birth parents grew even more and we were amazed at their strength. We knew we wanted an open adoption and we couldn't imagine having anything else.

We still had worries, and really, no idea what to expect from an open adoption. For me, one of my main worries was that I had to be the best mom ever--better than I would have to be if our child was born to me biologically. Not only would I need to be a great mom for my child, but I felt like I would need to be amazing so that our child's birth mom would approve. I guess I was worried she would think I wasn't good enough and that she could have done a better job.

Fast forward to today and we are the proud parents of the most beautiful girl in the world! Jessica was born almost 15 months ago, so we now have about 15 months worth of open adoption experience under our belts. And you know what? It has been great! Even though we've moved we live fairly close to our birth mom, Melinda, and her family and we were all okay with having a very open adoption. So far, that has meant a lot of visits, emails, texts, and everything in between. Melinda's parents were able to come when we had Jessica's adoption finalized in court. They were all there with us at the temple, when we were sealed as a family. They came when we celebrated her birthday, and we have been able to build a great relationship.

Andrew and I are so comfortable with their family...and we love that! During our last visit, Jessica was totally comfortable too, which actually, is not typical at all for her, but it was fun to see! We know Melinda and her family love Jessica so much, and they have told us it helps them to see her and to know she is happy in our family. Oh, and remember my worry? About having to be an amazing mom? I'm not...I make mistakes, sometimes I'm not as patient as I should be, Jessica falls down and gets bruised and scratched, and she even got sun burned. But you know what? Melinda isn't worried about it. She has told me multiple times that I am a great mom, and I know she means it.

Is it easy to always have an open adoption? No. You have to let go of some of your ideas about how your family works, but really, adoption does that anyway. It takes work and time. You have to learn to be more open and less defensive. I learned my lesson early on (but sometimes I need reminders). When Jessica was two weeks old, Melinda's family came out for their first visit. We had switched Jessica's formula to a different brand after talking to multiple doctors and she was doing great with the change. But, I was sure that something would come up about that and I was so ready to be defensive and let them know that I was Jessica's mom and wouldn't do anything that I thought would hurt her. And then, they were there, and I remember Melinda's mom saying how Jessica looked so good and happy, and we were the greatest parents...and I was humbled. I realized again that this family had become an extension of our own family. They love Jessica and they love us. They have always been supportive of us and have never criticized our parenting. They are grateful for our willingness to be open with them and share Jessica with them...and we are grateful for their trust in us and Melinda's incredible sacrifice.

I realize every situation is different, and I don't know everything. But when I hear people tell me about their friends who had to stop communication because their birth mom was trying to take over their lives, I feel bad for all sides. I have learned that their are two sides to every story, and we have learned that communication is crucial in any great relationship, especially open adoption. There were times when I couldn't keep up with everything Melinda had requested before Jessica was born. I worried...and talked to her. And everything was fine. We learned to re-adjust, make things work, and take it one day at a time. We'll keep doing that because we want Jessica to know her birth mom. We want to be able to tell her all about how we prayed and hoped and waited for her, and then, we want Melinda to tell her part of the story. We want her to not only know she is loved by her birth family...we want her to hear them tell her that they love her.

- Brianna

Guest Blogger: Kim- "To Be Open or Not To Be Open"

2011-09-21T09:38:00.000-07:00

We are happy to announce a new addition to the Colorado Families Supporting Adoption Chapter. Her name is Kim and she will be a featured blogger once a month. We are so excited to have her thoughts and ideas about adoption. We hope that you will welcome Kim (and her family) by leaving a comment. She is a mother to 4 beautiful children and will be sharing her insight about transracial adoption. For her first feature post she has included some thoughts on open adoption. Enjoy!

"Aren't you worried that her birth mother will want her back someday?"

"Don't you think that'll be confusing for your child?"

"Be careful!"

These are among many comments and questions I have heard when explaining that my daughter's birth mother and our family have an open adoption. When we met our daughter's birth mother, Tasha (name changed), over the phone, we had an instant connection with her. She is an outgoing and cheerful person, and she was very open to getting to know us and wanted to share her feelings and hopes and dreams for her baby girl. Although we thought we'd have 6 weeks to spend getting to know each other, our baby Kiira had other plans. She came 2 weeks to the day after our first conversation with Tasha. We hoped for an open adoption, but we also wanted to respect Tasha's wishes whatever they may be.

It was in the hospital meeting Tasha and baby Kiira for the first time that we expressed to Tasha our willingness to be as open as she felt comfortable. When we told her that we would even be open to future visits and would like continued communication with her, she excitedly said, "Really?!?" This immediately brought us all closer together knowing that we were becoming a sort-of extended family. Tasha wanted us to meet her older sons, and we were able to spend time with her in the week that we were waiting for the Interstate Compact to go through. The amazing thing was that instead of feeling guilty or like I was causing someone else pain withmy joy, Tasha's words comforted me, "I know that I've made the right choice for my little angel and that she's a blessing to your family."

After coming home, we continued talking to Tasha on the phone and sending pictures and letters. Tasha shared with me that the openness has helped her healing process because she knows that Kiira is happy and doing well. She can hear updates directly from us. Not only has open adoption blessed us and Tasha, but we are grateful that Kiira will never have to wonder where she comes from or if her birth mother loves her. She will know that she is loved by two families. I will always be her mother and my husband her father, and that's the way Tasha wants it as well. That is why she placed Kiira with us in the first place, to give her a happy family.

In contrast, our relationship with our son's birth mother could not be more different. Again, we were hoping for an open adoption, but Forest's birth mother preferred to have only letters and pictures through Heart to Heart. Unfortunately, she has not stayed in touch with Heart to Heart or with us, and that has left a whole in our hearts. We worry about her and wonder where she is and how she's doing. We wonder how to explain to Forest about his background and who his birth family is. I'm sure that his birth mother had her reasons for not wanting an open adoption, and we wanted to respect her wishes. After all, whatever her situation, she will always be the woman who gave us the miracle of our son. We do have one picture of her taken on placement day, and it is hanging in my son's room. We want Forest to know who she is and at the very least what she looks like.

So, the answer I give to some of the concerned questions or comments that we get is that in the case of Kiira and her birth mother, Tasha, open adoption works for us. We don't worry that Tasha will want her back because she chose us to be Kiira's parents and legally everything has been done appropriately. We think it would actually be more confusing for our daughter to not know anything about her birth mother. And, as far as being careful, every couple and birth mother, for that matter, have to determine their own boundaries. Some adoptive couples choose openness but prefer to have boundaries such as keeping their home address and phone number private. Some adoptive couples have such complete trust in their birth mother that they have visits in their home. And birth mothers have to choose their boundaries as well. Whatever the degree of openness, there is healing and peace of mind that comes with continuing a relationship with the woman who gave life to your child. The woman who chose you to parent her little angel.

You can read more about Kim and her family at: http://farnies.blogspot.com/

Fun Adoption Song: Once Upon a Time

2011-08-30T12:36:00.000-07:00

The other day, we were listening to the Sesame Street Pandora station, and a song started playing that we hadn't heard before. The first verse was fun enough, so I kept it on...and then, I heard this:

"Then once, once upon another time,
In a land called Guatemala by the sea
A girl, not a little girl, but not a woman,
Discovered that inside her grew a little tiny baby.
And she knew she was too young to give it everything it needed,
She didn't have enough to clothe it and to feed it,
So she made a brave decision with that brand new babe
She took him on a bus bound for the city far away."

A few seconds into the verse, I knew it was about adoption, and I was so excited! I hurried to write down the artist and song title. It is called "Once Upon a Time" and it is by Miss Lynn (Lynn Hickernell). I had never heard of Miss Lynn, and had a hard time even tracking down anything about her, but don't worry...I found it. Do you want to hear the song? Go to her website, and about halfway down the page, you will see it and can play it.

Do you know any other good songs about adoption? I think there are always a couple that everyone seems to know...but I love that this one is from the boy's perspective (even though a girl is singing it...weird, I know).

Share some Love

2011-08-17T07:39:00.000-07:00

Come support adoption with Families Supporting Adoption by Walking in the Wheatridge Carnation Parade on August 20th

Meet us at 9am at King Soopers Parking Lot (5301 W 38th Ave) and we will walk together to our line-up position.

Adults wearing FSA 5K shirts if you don't have one you can buy one for $5 (just email or facebook us your size) Bring your kids with decorated bikes. We will be passing out candy.

Come and Hang Out on Saturday. It will be fun.

Bring a picnic lunch or buy something there for the picnic following at Panorama Park (Fenton St and 35th Avenue)

iChooseAdoption-Website Review

2011-07-26T20:14:00.000-07:00

Another website out there with some information for birth parents is iChooseAdoption.org. They have the following different areas on their website:

Adoption Info
Birthmothers
Adoptive Families (two sample letters and very basic information)
Resources
Find Help
Media (PSAs for TV, Radio, and posters)

The Adoption Info section addresses a lot of different questions about adoption in general, open and closed adoption, emotions, and many other areas. They do give an email address if you have more questions, or refer you to someone in your area who you could talk to.

The Birthmothers section has stories from 6 different birth mothers. As always, I love the stories the most!

Resources gives a small amount of information for birth fathers, birth parent's families, and a birth mother's friends. It also lists some questions you could ask an adoption caseworker and links you to the next section: Find Help. This section allows you to put in your zip code and search for an adoption agency in your area, anywhere from 10 to 250 miles away. I think this is great...unless you live in a rural area like me, because there was only one agency for 100 miles. But, for example, when I did a search in Greeley, Colorado, there were 6 within 75 miles, one of which was LDS Family Services!

All in all, it is a pretty good website with some basic information and answers. I really like the Find Help section that can offer someone real to talk to at an agency close to you.

Register Early for the National Conference

2011-07-11T07:15:00.000-07:00

Registration is up and running for the

2011 FSA International Conference.

Click here to go to the registration page.

The conference will be held at the Davis Conference Center in Layton, Utah on Friday, August 12, 2011, from 9:00 am to 7:00 pm, and Saturday, August 13, 2011, from 9:00 am to 5:30 pm.

The cost of conference is $40 per person for early registration.

After July 15, 2011, registration will be $45 per person.

**Conference registration for birth parents is free**

Lodging information is located on the registration site.

Watch for more details about workshop topics...coming soon.

Friday Keynote Speaker: Sister Julie B. Beck, Relief Society General President

Special Guest Speaker: Chuck Johnson, National Council For Adoption

Saturday Keynote Speaker: Dr. Karyn Purvis, Texas Christian University

Right now you can win a pair of tickets by going to: familiessupportingadoption.com

Love's Choice-Website Review

2011-06-14T07:00:00.000-07:00

I recently stumbled upon a website called "Love's Choice" and it is a great resource if you or someone you know is considering adoption. The site was started by a birth mom and includes her story and the story of her daughter who she placed for adoption. The site says it "provides facts about adoption, tools to help you plan for birth, adoption and parenting, and links to other adoption support resources. Most importantly, we share personal stories from real people who have experienced adoption - adopted children, adoptive parents, and other birthmothers."

They do have some wonderful stories, however, I will admit that I was hoping for a few more (but maybe that is just because I love to read adoption stories!). There are about five from adopted children and five from adoptive parents, but there are more from birth mothers. The video sections are videos answering questions to a birth mother, adoptive mother, and two adopted children.

I like that this website deals with many different sides; it answers questions, discusses myths about adoption, and gives you stories to read and think about, but it also has information on adoption laws and it gives links to specific laws for every state. It also has information to think about for birth planning: what you want to happen at the hospital and what you want to happen after your baby is born. Overall, it is an informative site if you are looking for stories of someone else who has been through the adoption process or if you want to get some of your questions answered.

Want to go check out the site? Click on any of the links above or go here: http://www.loveschoice.com/

Spotlight: Ben and Anna

2011-06-08T06:52:00.000-07:00

Ben is a high energy, always has to be busy kind of guy. This means evenings and days off are rarely spent around the house. Whether it’s hiking, camping, four-wheeling, wandering Wal-Mart, going for a walk, or chasing the boys at the park, he loves to be going. He’s started a donut run tradition on Saturday mornings (so Anna can sleep in, and he gets some time with James and Jay). He’s such a great dad, and a wonderful man.

Anna loves teaching. She tries to use every adventure as a teaching moment. Sometimes it’s just making up stories and laughing together. Sometimes she’s answering questions about why we can’t sit on the clouds. It’s always something new and challenging. She is blessed to be able to stay at home with James and Jay, and loves making them laugh, and watching them grow and learn.

James is a rambunctious 4 year old. He loves to imagine, tell stories, read, and ask questions. It doesn’t matter what the weather is, he wants to be outside: sledding, kicking a soccer ball, riding bikes, or running. He loves his little brother. At bedtime, I’ll often find that he’s snuck into Jay’s bed, and they are snuggling, whispering, and giggling.

Jay is a 2 year old wild man. He never stops moving. It’s either laughing or crying for him. There’s no in-between. He laughs when he’s in trouble (which makes it hard to not laugh back). Jay follows his brother around all day. When James is in pre-school, Jay doesn’t quite know what to do with himself. He constantly asks Anna if he can go get James to play with.

We are all so excited to add to our family. We are so grateful to have each other. No matter what comes our way, we’ll face it together.

Our blog: ben-anna.blogspot.com

Good Reads

2011-06-07T07:52:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wondered how birth parents view open adoption. Here is a great article from a birth mother who was featured in The New York Times.

Open Adoption- Not So Simple Math by Amy Seek

I WANTED my son to become the kind of person who appreciates the beauty of the world around him, so I smiled when, at 6, he asked to borrow my camera in case he saw “something beautiful.”

We were taking a walk in the woods outside Boston, and following behind him I was surprised by how much he moved like his father. We spent that afternoon showing each other icicles and hollow trees, breaking frozen patterns in the river ice, inching too close to the water to get a better view of the bridge above.
When we arrived home, Ben said that the reason he wanted to go for a walk was to spend time with me. It had been three months since I last saw him. I smiled sheepishly and stepped into the living room, where the woman who had adopted him six years earlier sat reading the newspaper.

I spent the evening chatting with her while avoiding direct interaction with Ben for fear I’d show too much affection, or too little. Open adoption is an awkward choreography; I am offered a place at the table, but I am not sure where to sit. I don’t know how to be any kind of mother, much less one who surrendered her child but is back to help build a Lego castle.

It is a far cry from the moment he was born, when my 23-year-old body seemed to know exactly what to do, when I suddenly and surprisingly wanted nothing more than to admire him nursing at my breast. When, after a drugless labor, my surging hormones helped me to forget that I was a college student, that I lived in Cincinnati, that I was passionate about architecture. During those days I was roused by the slightest sound of his lips smacking, innocent newborn desire that offered my deepest fulfillment.

In the months before I gave birth, when my boyfriend and I were just getting to know the couple we had chosen, I was able to comprehend the coming exchange only on the most theoretical of levels, but it seemed like gentle math: Girl with child she can’t keep plus woman who wants but can’t have child; balance the equation, and both parties become whole again.

During those months, my son’s mother, Holly, observed that birth mothers have to accomplish in one day the monumental task of letting go that most parents have 18 years to figure out. Days after his birth, when I struggled with letting go, Holly sat with me and cried — for the children she never got to have, for the fact the adoption would bring her joy while causing me pain, and out of fear that she had already grown to love a child I might not give her.

I decided to let her take him for a night, to see if I could handle it. She drove him to Dayton, Ohio, where she was staying with family, then called and asked: “Do you want him back? I’ll bring him right now.”

You can read the rest of the article here

Especially for Birth Parents

2011-05-24T11:14:00.000-07:00

Families Supporting Adoption includes much more than adoptive couples, it also includes birth parents, adults who were adopted, and adoption professionals, and because of this, we are going to be adding more features and resources to the blog for birth parents. These resources are great for everyone to read and learn from. All of these links will be filed in one of the pages on this blog so they can be easily accessed.

We are excited to be spotlighting different websites and articles that discuss adoption from a birth parent's view and we would love to have any suggestions from you. We would also love to feature more birth parents and their stories as well. Leave a comment if you have any ideas for us.

This week, we are going to start with itsaboutlove.org. This site has some great information and answers questions you might have. It talks about different options to look into. There is also a feature where you can email a question to a birth mom or caseworker and it gives many other ways to connect with them for support. One nice part is that it specifically addresses birth fathers and birth grandparents as well. My favorite part of the site is actually the videos from different birth moms who have placed their children for adoption. They are incredible women with amazing stories.

Birth Parent Gift Ideas: Creating and Sending Love

2011-04-27T08:16:00.000-07:00

Last Summer we had a panel of adoptive families answer the question "How do you handle the Big Wait?"

We had them answer that question in three posts. You can find those responses The Big Wait, The Big Wait...again, The Big Wait continued.

Here's another thought about how to spend your time waiting. Think, make, create or design, purchase, or formulate ideas for birth parent gifts. Remember gifts from your heart will mean the most.

Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.- Marcus T. Cicero

Here is a list of ideas that were shared at the FSA National Conference in 2008.

Last year we snapped a few pictures of the birth parent gift table at the FSA National Conference. There were ideas for at placement and then also for post placement.

Hand prints/ Footprints

A great memory to look back on because those hands and feet don't stay small forever. This is something that could be done after placement (while they are really small) and then again on their first birthday. It is a great thing to show how much they have grown.

Quilt, it's even a great 1 year anniversary gift

Child's Favorite Book or your favorite Adoption Book

A Favorite Outfit

Sending the birth parents one of the child's outfits is an easy idea. You can sent it in a little baggie after the child has won it so that it still have their scent!

Personalized Photo Album

Poems or Poetry

If you would like to read this poem, please click this link.

Getting a large stuffed animal that both the birth parents and your child can have makes its so special. You can take pictures with the stuffed animal every month and send them to the birth parents for her to see how much the child has grown. Over time it is amazing to see how much they have grown.

Mementos from Sealing or a Handkerchief

Scrapbook of "All the Things I am Grateful For"

Make a scrapbook of all the things that the child is grateful for including the birth parents. This is a great gift for the birth parents and a book that will be treasured in your family as well.

Milestones

The first year goes by so quickly and your child leans so many different things throughout that time. Capture the big milestones in pictures or notes and make a little book with all of them together. The birth parents will love to see how much they have changed and how much they have learned.

Basket of Your Favorite Things

This could be a basket of your favorite foods, favorite things to do, your favorite snacks, etc. It tells the birth parents a lot about you and help them to get to know you better. It is a great gift for birth grandparents as well.

1st Birthday Mementos

A Cd or Dvd of Videos of Baby's first year

Family tradition and upcoming vacations can be written on a calendar and given to the birth parents. This way, they can see what fun things the child will be doing/or have done throughout the year. It can easily be combined with a scrapbook.

Calendar

We would love to hear your suggestions. What are favorite items on this page? What are some ideas we didn't include that you have given or received?

While you wait

2011-04-21T07:57:00.000-07:00

How to Cope and Be Patient While Waiting to Adopt Children.

This seems to be a universal question or statement among adoptive families. And so we thought we would include some of the helpful information found in Families Supporting Adoption Handbook: created by Adoptive Couples for Adoptive Applicants.

We took this list of ideas from the section: The Adoption Process and Afterwards.

Stay balanced. Pay as much attention to the other areas of your life as you do to this adoption. I suggest the following:

Turn to your Father in Heaven continually . He knows your longing better than anyone.
Attend the temple frequently
Seek priesthood blessings for strength
Keep the commandments
Spend time with supportive friends and family
Join an adoptive parent-support group. Develop friends with other adoptive families
Avoid, if possible, people who ask questions you don't feel like answering. Learn and acknowledge your personal limits.
Don't permit yourself to be offended by thoughtless questions.
Grieve, be excited, acknowledge fear, and look forward with hope. You are embarking on the most glorious of experiences.
Set the parenting, child-care and infertility books aside occasionally. Visit the library indulge in a good novel.
Take an extension class. Pursue one of your interests individually or as a couple.
Keep abreast of life. Don't put it on "hold" just because you are "waiting"
Join an aerobics or exercise class where no one knows you are "waiting." No questions will be asked while you're there.
Be careful of your diet. Now is no time to indulge in unhealthy eating because you're "waiting" and deserve an extra treat.
Enjoy the present. Take walks, hikes, and trips together.
Work hard; go to bed tired.
The strength and love developed by you as a couple during your wait will bless and sustain your lives for years to come. Trust me. I know!

written by Bessie Sanborn, Salt Lake City, Utah

Would you add anything to this list?

Success Story: Andrew and Brianna

2011-04-14T16:04:00.000-07:00

Jessica in the hospital

Honestly, I don’t know where to start. I feel like there are so many things to say and so much of our story to tell, but really, does anyone want to be here for days reading our life history? I doubt it. And I promise, I will do my best to try to tell our story without giving you all the details you don’t want to know. (If you do want to know more, let me know, and I will let you read the extended version on our blog).

In 2009, Andrew and I found out that we would not be able to have children. That was a rough day and we will never forget it, but that rough day had one bright spot…adoption. We had thought about and considered adoption for months but weren’t quite ready to take the plunge, but now, we were ready and started the process a few weeks later. In September of 2009, we were approved, and ready to be selected by a wonderful birth mom. We were so sure things would happen quickly…we just felt it. And then, we waited…and checked our email…and waited some more. We didn’t have any contacts for 7 months. During this time, we had our bad days and our good days. We were constantly reminding ourselves that Heavenly Father had blessed us in the past, and we knew He would bless us again so we needed to just trust His timing and not worry. We got involved with FSA and loved it! It truly helped us survive at times and taught us to find instead of wait, spread the word about adoption, and enjoy our adoption process. We loved the interaction with the other couples in FSA, they made us feel understood.

So, of course, when we heard there was going to be an FSA Conference in Denver, we were so excited! That conference was on May 1, 2010. At that conference, an amazing thing happened…we met Melinda. Unbeknownst to us, Melinda had looked at our profile just the week before and was planning to contact us soon after she met with Kelly. Kelly had given us some not so subtle hints that we were going to get an email from her, and we did two days after he told us…and I don’t even want to admit how many times we checked our email in those two days!

We emailed a lot over the next month and grew to love Melinda. At the end of the month, she and her family came out to meet us at our home. We were so nervous and excited, but it was great! We felt so comfortable with them, and we had a great time. That day was another day we will never forget; it was the day Melinda told us she wanted us to be the parents of her baby girl. We were thrilled and our love for her grew even more! Over the next month or so, we were able to go visit Melinda and her family a few different times. We loved getting to know all of them better! We found that we have a lot of things in common, and we had so much fun learning more about her.

On the 4th of July, we got a call from Melinda and found out that she was on her way to the hospital. We quickly left church, drove home, threw together the last few things we needed and got in the car. The two hour drive went quickly (and Andrew did drive the speed limit the whole way) and we were so glad to be at the hospital. Melinda was so amazing and so strong! About three hours after we got there, Jessica was born.

We were able to stay in the hospital and have some time with Jessica, Melinda, and her family. We took a day off to explore around town and give them a break from us, and it was fun! The next day was placement day, and we were overwhelmed with emotion. After everyone signed papers and met with Kelly, we all met up in Melinda’s room. The spirit and the love that was felt in that room was so great that it isn’t something that can be described through words. We were filled with love for Melinda. We were amazed at her strength and love for her beautiful little girl. She is incredible and we are so grateful for her! We have been blessed to have a great relationship with Melinda and we love that we are able to visit her and be a part of her life. When we started the adoption process, we didn’t know much about open adoption and weren’t really sure how everything would work out, but we have loved our experience! We are grateful that Jessica will always know her birth mom.

At the Temple after we were sealed

Now, our little baby girl is nine months old and I cannot believe how much joy she has brought to our lives! We are thankful every day for Melinda and for her incredible sacrifice. In January, Jessica’s adoption was finalized, and we had her sealed to us the following month. While both of those events were exciting and wonderful, it was interesting to me that none of them changed the way I felt about Jessica. I felt relief once we were sealed, and so grateful we were a forever family, but we have felt like one all along. The moment Melinda placed her in our arms and we brought her home, we knew we were a family and that Jessica was ours.

Lace up your running Shoes

2011-04-14T08:30:00.000-07:00

Lace up your running shoes and get ready

Families Supporting Adoption 5k

@ Lehigh Park (751 Eichhorn Dr.) Erie, Colorado

Race starts at 9:00 a.m.

Cost is:

$25 until May 1st

$30 May 2nd-13th

$35 on May 14

If you would like to register early please go to http://www.redlineraces.com/FSA_5k.html. You can register online or by mail.

Awards will be given for overall first place overall male and female runners as well as for top three male and female winners in each age group. Age groups are as follows: 5-10, 11-14, 15-19, 20-29, 30-39, 40-49, 50-59, and 60+.

This is family friendly event and there will be a free Kids race following the 5k.

All Participants will receive a t-shirt, goody bag, and post-race refreshments. All Participants will be eligible to win raffle prizes donated by our sponsors.

Come show your support for adoption.

Not a runner then come be a cheerleader, a traffic director, a water boy (or girl) a ticket taker, or a prize giver.

Spring Play Group

2011-04-11T09:30:00.000-07:00

Play group at Westlands Park on April 15th, starting at 10 AM.

If you haven't been to the Westlands Park in Greenwood Village you are missing out! It has been ranked the "Top of the Rocky" top playground for the third year in a row (by the Rocky Mountain News) and the Top Playground destination in the metro area by 5280 magazine.

Come join FSA for a playgroup activity to explore this fun park with a big tree platform, a long slide, swings and anything your child could dream of. We hope to see you there! Even if you don't have kids yet, come to talk with friends!

Directions: Take I-25 to the Orchard exit (exit 198). Head West on Orchard Road for about a half mile. Turn right on Quebec St. Go 0.2 miles and then turn left to enter the Westlands Park. You can't see the park when you turn, but once you go around the building, you will see the parking lot.

Big Thank You

2011-04-11T07:47:00.000-07:00

THANK YOU for coming to our area conference! We had a great turn out with great speakers!

If you would like additional information about our speakers, please see these websites.

Kelsey Stewart: http://thebestforyoubook.blogspot.com/

Jessalyn: http://birthmothers4adoption.blogspot.com/

Kerstin Daynes: http://www.ldsinfertility.org/

This was definitely a huge group effort and we are all SO grateful for everyone that helped! We hope you enjoyed it!

Let us know if there is something we can improve for next year's conference.

Success Story: Ken and Kelly

2011-03-05T16:00:00.000-08:00

Avery with her Birthmother one day after birth

Once upon a time in a land far far away…ok not really but Utah is a land and it’s kind of far a young girl was making a decision that would change our lives and hers forever. It all started on a Monday, just like any other Monday we would go to Tokyo Joes for lunch and spend the day together. And when we got home we checked out mail to see if we had a message from a birth mother, since after all it WAS Monday and we DID eat at Tokyo Joes. But there was nothing in our email box and there was a sad sigh that went through our apartment.

Ok let me give you a little back ground we were approved Oct 31 2009 for adoption. And Ken and I used to have Mondays off together so we would spend the day having fun and eating lunch at Tokyo Joes or elsewhere. However we would notice the days we would eat at Tokyo Joes we would get an email from birth mothers, but on the mentioned Monday above no email came.

We lay in bed that night wondering if our streak of emails had come to an end when on an off chance I (Kelly) checked my in-box and I noticed I got an email from a friend I hadn’t heard from in years telling me he needed my phone number ASAP so I sent it thinking the worst and within a half hour he called.

He was married now and had a step daughter who was how they say in old books “In the family way”. She was going through a lot she had picked a family but didn’t feel that they were her daughters parents, well she wasn’t sure anymore. She asked if we would come out to meet her and within weeks we went to Salt Lake City for my birthday.

We hung out with her and her family not really talking about the baby. We were there to have fun we went to the Salt Lake children’s Museum (which by the way Colorado’s is WAY cooler) we let her know that we were there for her no matter what choice she made. We went home after having a fun weekend laughing with no expectations.

Within a week we were called and she told us we were going to be parents. Then the roller coaster of worry doubt fear excitement started. Not to mention sadness for the family she had to break the news to that she had changed her mind.

We kept in touch texting emailing or Facebooking everyday and then one morning in June we were speeding (shhh don’t tell the Wyoming police) towards SLC. Did we make it for the birth? No way Avery was determined to come into the world FAST after many false alarms. We were somewhere in the middle of Wyoming . We DID however make it to SLC in 6 ½ hours from Denver.

So that is the gist of our story, can I say we all live happily ever after? Of course having temple sealing and an open adoption keeps this family happy. And our daughter will always know how many people love her and will always love her. The best is yet to come!

Kelly, Ken and Avery at Finalization

Saturday: Temple Trip

2011-03-03T20:30:00.000-08:00

Looking for Something to do this weekend? Come join us for our a spiritual temple trip.

Join us for a 3:00 chapel meeting followed by a session at 3:30. Afterwards we will meet for dinner at Olive Garden (about 5:30)

Meet us at Olive Garden if you can't come to the temple. You can end or start your fast with us.

Area Conference

2011-03-03T19:32:00.001-08:00

You can download the Area Conference registration form by clicking the link on the top right of this webpage. If you have any other questions, please contact coloradofsa@gmail.com

Register Today for FSA Area Conference

2011-02-23T20:20:00.000-08:00

Register now for the Colorado and Wyoming Area Conference! Please click on the link below for class details and the registration form. The registration fee is $15/person.

We will be having three special guests:

Kelsey Stewart author of The Best for You
Kerstin Daynes author of Infertility: Help, Hope and Healing
Jessalynn Speight of birthmothers4adoption.blogspot.com

The theme for our conference this year is "Hearts Knit Together."

2011 Registration Form

If you have questions about the upcoming conference, please email coloradofsa@gmail.com for details.

Childcare is available for an additional fee, please register early as space is limited.

National Social Worker’s Month (March)-- gratitude baskets

2011-02-15T17:11:00.000-08:00

In 1984, Ronald Reagan officially established the National Professional Social Worker’s Month. March provides a time for each of us to remember the important community roles filled by our social workers. While the profession is known in title, the job responsibilities and potential impact of a social worker in a community may not be completely understood by all. Social Workers champion access, equality and fairness. Social Workers improve the fabric of society by being advocates for people who need help addressing serious life challenges and exploring their options.

The Social Work profession was established more than 100 years ago to provide as many people as possible with the tools and support they need to overcome many types of adversity and reach their full potential.

Every day, Social Workers witness the best and worst of human nature. A Social Worker’s success is often defined by the opportunities people enjoy thanks to their intervention. Social Workers believe they have a responsibility to effect positive change for the future. Social Workers play a big role in helping people and families, often times during off hours and holidays.

On March 18th at 6:00 PM, we will be making gratitude baskets to let them know how much we appreciate their service to all of us and those whom we don’t know. The basket party will take place at the LDSFS Aurora office.

We invite anyone involved with FSA to join in donating items for the gratitude baskets. Items can be delivered to the LDSFS office, mailed to the office or you may contact privately contact another member to make arrangements to drop items off. We need the following:

- Homemade goodies
- Prepackaged goodies
- Stuffed toys
- Items for NICU (booties, onesies, hats, blankets)
- Other items you may feel inspired to include
- Baskets
- Tissue paper

Once the baskets have been made, anyone wishing to participate will be provided with a baskets and accompanying hospital packet for delivery. The hospital packet contains information, pamphlets and other adoption related information along with pass-along cards and contact information for our case workers. You can deliver individually or in teams; we would like to hit as many hospitals in Colorado and Wyoming as possible. Let’s gather together to show our appreciation for everything that our Social Workers do!

More Tax Help

2011-02-11T09:43:00.000-08:00

Here is a quick explanation of Adoption Tax Credit. Thanks to the Dave Thomas Foundation for this short video clip.

JJ Birthmom Story Part 2

2011-02-05T06:11:00.000-08:00

If you would like to read the first part of JJ's story, please click here

Randy, Tracy, Stella at the Denver Temple

       I got every reaction that you can imagine. My older brother (the one that knew from the beginning) told me I was putting our family to shame! I couldn’t help but laugh at him and tell him how OLD he sounding talking like that (I have an odd sense of humor). My sister offered to take the child and raise it as her own. I was moved to tears by her generosity. I explained to her that if she took the child I don’t believe I could ever see her for it would be too painful.
        My sister (and Aunt, for she made me the same offer) understood and supported me in my decision even though I could see the hurt in her eyes. My little brother agreed with the choice for he had seen firsthand how I am when I loose control. My mother understood best of all. She knew that if I kept the child I would break. Not financially but mentally. I knew it too. My dad (he’s really my step father, but he’s the father I should have had) was very angry with me.  He was adopted himself and thought that by me putting my child up for adoption, she wouldn’t be loved.  Needless to say, this whole experience helped him to overcome the issues he had with being adopted himself.
       I took all these reactions with a grain of salt. Besides my mother and younger brother, no one else was taking into account of how this was effecting me and what my emotions were for my own decision. I refused to let them know how taxing it was on me or that I was crying myself to sleep every night. I was driving with my mother one day and I was expressing to her my fears of putting this child in the system. I hated the idea that this child would be sitting in a place, being constantly shuffled from one house to the next and never knowing love. Even if I couldn’t be the one to give it to her, she still deserved it. She had done nothing wrong. My mom reminded me about Private Adoptions. GOD I felt like a moron right then. That evening I was up late as ever looking at people who wanted to adopt.
       That is where I found Randy and Tracy. I had seen their profile online and no matter who else I thought could be a candidate to adopt my child, I kept going back to them. So I took the leap and contacted them. The rest is history. What I’m going to say may seem over dramatic to you but in truth it’s not, and with that you have my word on it.
       I was blessed that day that I introduced myself to Randy and Tracy. I was able to save the life of a child, that I knew I could never love the way that was necessary. In turn I have an extended family that I respect, love and look up to. Grant you they’re only a couple years older than me so they are more like siblings :)   My new family came to my home state for the birth of their beautiful baby girl. When Stella blessed the world she was perfect (me not so much for I was suffering from a cold).
       It was when the nurse took her to the table to get the measurements and to get her cleaned that I knew she was never mine. I was watching as Tracy and Randy were looking at her with such love (it was just pouring off of them) that the family was complete at last.  I realized that the decision I made was ok. No I take that back it was more than ok, it was RIGHT! Any sense of dread or regret that might have been there was replaced with love and an overwhelming sense of rightfulness. That moment was right to me. I just did the hard part for my new family/friends.  We chose an Open Adoption. It’s what felt right. To this day I still have no regrets on my choice. I know I did what was best for me and for Stella.
       As for my first daughter, she knew that I was pregnant. She would tell me that she "really wanted to be a big sister". I could only respond to her that I was helping a friend have a baby, who couldn't have babies.
When she is older and understands what happened, then I will tell her that she has a baby sister, and a loving Aunt and Uncle; who can’t wait to be part of each others’ lives. To this day I still have my struggles when it comes to my daughter. Because of the battles that I have with my (mental) demons, and the daily challenges of being a single mom, I know my decision was the right one and I stand by it completely.
       To other potential birthparents: This decision, if you choose adoption or if you choose to keep the child, should not be an easy one. You need to be at honest terms with yourself when making the choice in which your life will continue.
I was very lucky in finding my Adoptive Parents. I couldn’t be more happy with them. I know that they are what’s best for their daughter. It doesn’t matter what others want, expect, tell you, forbid you, or what society demands of you. It isn’t their body, therefore it’s not their choice. Make peace with your decision and follow its path. Whatever you do, don’t feel as though you’re a failure, a bad person or anything negative. You’re not. It takes a strong person to recognize their own weakness and to make a better life for a being that can’t take care of him or herself. I already applaud you for finding that strength, that led you to consider adoption as an option. Whatever you decide to do, know in your heart that it’s what’s best for you and the child that you’re carrying.

JJ, BirthMother to Stella

TAXES

2011-02-02T05:48:00.000-08:00

It's that time of year again. Here are some tidbits that might help.

-Did you know your child needs a social security number in order for you to claim him/her? It takes upwards of twelve weeks to get one.http://www.ssa.gov/online/ss-5.pdf Here is the form to fill out to get one.

-Adoption not finalized yet? You can still claim him/her by attaining an ATIN #What is an ATIN?

-Did you know you cannot Efile when you are using the form 8839? And that this form is being updated and the new one on Turbo Tax (if that's what you use) will be available February 10th.

While we may not have all the answers you may be seeking about your taxes with adoption we will try to help where we can. If you do have questions please email us at coloradofsa@gmail.com

JJ's Birthmom Story Part 1

2011-01-29T07:16:00.000-08:00

Randy and Tracy with Stella right after birth

I was asked to write my story on being a Birthmom. I honestly have no idea what to write. I don’t know if this is what you’re looking for but if anything I hope it touches your heart.

So I guess I will start at the beginning (seeming it's usually the best place to begin). I will apologize now in advance for I tend to write how I think and speak. There is rarely a filter on my writings and in this case I do believe it's the best thing.

I’m not the classic case that one would picture when I tell people that I gave a child up for adoption. I am 28 years old and have one child. NO I am not talking about the child I gave up. I’m talking about my daughter that will turn 4 this month. I gave up my second child.

I need to give you a little history on me so you understand my problems (that I will not elaborate on) that I have.

I was in the Military seven years ago (wow it seems like yesterday that I got out). I entered at what was considered an old age (lol if they only knew what old really was) of 21. Within one year I was at my first duty station. Within four months I was on my way to Iraq. This is where I spent the next fifteen months of my life. Now I wish to make one thing clear, I am telling you this not to get praise from you but to let you understand my decision (sometimes we need all the facts to determine if the right decision was made). After our tour was complete my unit was sent home.

Upon arriving at my new duty station in Colorado, my life started to spiral out of control. I didn’t know it at that moment but I was self medicating and taking foolish risks for unknown reasons. I was and still am to this day suffering from PTSD. I can assure you it’s not fun. About a year of doing reckless things I decided to get married.  Three months afterward I found out I was pregnant. Three months later my husband and I were no longer married. I now found myself being a pregnant single female who never wanted children in the first place. Even at six months along I was still uncertain on whether I wanted to be a single mom (heck just a mom in general). I chose to keep my daughter. I knew it would be a challenge and that my biggest fear might come true. What’s my biggest fear you ask? Failing as a parent of course! That, and potentially becoming a child abuser. Just those two things alone gave me nightmares. I struggled and struggled hard. Heck I still do. I have to keep an iron clad hand on my temper, for it can be triggered by anything and everything if I don’t.

Two years ago, (approximately) I went to Arizona to visit an old Army friend and to just take a vacation. My sister insisted on it, telling me that everyone needs a break once and a while. So I went on a road trip. I was having fun but I just wasn’t truly enjoying myself. I realized I was missing my daughter. I started back home three days early. I was one state away when I stopped to see an old "flame".  Don’t misunderstand me, I had no intentions to be with this man in a romantic manner. It merely happened. Well about two weeks later I was driving in my car and BAM!!! It hit me. Just like that I knew I was pregnant again. The only person that knew (besides me and the nurse) was my older brother. He was kind enough at the time to grant me my privacy and not tell anyone. This is where things started to get out of control.
         I called the guy and told him what was going on. I explained to him that there was no obligations or strings attached (I’m very against females that TRAP males). He assured me that he was excited and happy that we had created a child together. I still didn’t know if I wanted another child on top of the one that I had, to walk on egg shells with to begin with.
It was giving me a headache and just a general sense of dread to think about starting over again. I explained all this to the father (I guess I should start calling him that, instead of "the guy"). I also told him that I didn’t expect him to do anything that he wasn’t ready for, and that I would just have an abortion.
        Yes that’s right I said it. Do I believe in abortion? Yes I do, but not as a means of birth control (I’m a paradox I know). I do believe that every woman has a choice. The father assured me that this was something he wanted. He even came up and told my family with me. We were all fooled by his guise.
He waited until I was just past my three months to cut all contact with me. It was then that I realized that he had never wanted me or the child. Did that hurt? Not really. It was a one night stand to put it bluntly. I chose an action and this was the consequence. What really angered me was that he "strung" me along so that I couldn’t abort the pregnancy.
       My mind was already going about a thousand miles a minute. "Great, now your gonna have to raise two kids on your own when you didn’t even want the one to begin with". I knew I was in trouble. Secretly, I started looking at adoption. I knew my family was going to hate me for it. Finally it was time to tell the family that there was no way that I could keep the child (this is where it became interesting).

Part 2 will be posted next Saturday. Stay Tuned!

Some Tips for First Contact

2011-01-25T05:36:00.000-08:00

First contact
~ Some helpful ideas for the first phone calls or emails ~

So many couples who are adopting have told me that the first phone call a with an expectant mother considering adoption makes to a couple is very nerve racking, but remember she is just as nervous as you are! I think it is a good idea to have a small notebook and pen near the phone that way you can jot down important things she says. Also, keep a list of questions in the notebook, that way if you are nervous, you won't be fumbling for words or what to ask. Show an interest in her well being as a person, not just the person who is possibly going to give you a child. On the first phone call, you don't want to ask too many questions or get to personal. Save those for another time.

Questions and things to say during the first phone call -

I'm so glad you called. How are you?
How are you feeling? Have you had a good pregnancy so far? Have you been getting prenatal care?
When are you due?
Is this your first child?
Tell me a little bit about yourself. Are you a student, do you work, live with parents, etc??
How old are you?
Where are you from? Have you lived there long?
What is your family like? Do you have brothers or sisters? Is your family supportive?
What about the father of your child - is he involved? What's he like?
Have you had a chance to talk to any professionals or others about your decision?
Do you have any thoughts on what kind of contact you would like after the baby is born?
Do you have any special requests on how you would like your child to be raised.

If the conversation goes well and you feel comfortable you could then ask her -

If she would like to meet before the baby is born
If she would like your attorney or agency's information
To send you (or the attorney or agency) proof of pregnancy

A few more tips -

Get a toll free number so pbmoms can contact you directly.

Keep in mind that a pbmom could call any time of the day or night.

Usually pbmoms will feel more comfortable talking to the female of the couple.

Be yourself and be honest and open.

Treat her with respect and know that she may be very confused and may know little about the adoption process.

Keep the conversation friendly.

If things go well, set up a time to speak again.

A few things NOT to do or say -

Do not pressure her to choose you or make a commitment before she is ready.
Do not patronize her.
Try to impress her with your achievements.
Do not say things that you think she wants to hear just so you can adopt her child.
Do not be too pushy or overbearing.
Do not pressure her for more information than she is willing to give you at the moment.

A lot of these same questions and tips will apply to communication via email. Email is a little "tricker" though. It is less personal and your questions may bombard her. On the phone, you can ask a question, talk about something else for a minute, then ask another question. In an email, your questions may look a little more threatening so you should probably limit the number of questions to about 3-5 an email. Try to write about something else in the email too so that it is not only the questions. Write about your life, what you did that day, etc - then ask your questions. Some hopeful adoptive moms communicate with pbmoms (after the initial email) via a messenger service such as yahoo or AIM. (These are both free and most people have them.) This might be an easier way to communicate via email if the pbmom seems reluctant to move to the phone.

So the next time your "adoption phone" rings, just relax!

This post was original written by Coley of BirthMomBuds and BirthMomBudsBlog Reposted with permission from Coley. BirthMomBuds is a network resource that provides support to birthmother and pregnant women considering adoption. Their blog has several inspirational birthparent stories. We hope you will check it out. They have also included a section called "For Adoptive Mothers."

Guest Blogger: Mary

2011-01-18T08:50:00.000-08:00

One of the best things about being part of FSA is the people that you meet. Everyone's adoption story is amazing and miraculous. There are no two stories that are identical. Last year at the National FSA Conference in Layton we enjoyed eating our lunch with Mary who writes Adoption and Foster Care: My Personal Experiences. She friended us on facebook and we started following her blog. Mary and her husband have fostered four children through their state and have adopted one child through LDS Family Services (and are currently hoping to adopt). On Mary's blog she shares her true, honest, real-time experiences of being a foster parent. Her writing is moving, compassionate and open. We asked her if she would be willing to share a few bits of wisdom with our chapter for anyone considering foster care. She decided to share her most frequently asked questions about foster care. Enjoy!

Frequently Asked Questions about Foster Care
Q: I’ve thought about doing foster care- How do I get started?
A: Contact a licensing specialist from your local Child & Family Services office. They can answer specific questions you have and meet with you to determine if you would be a good candidate for fostering.

Q: What are the training requirements like?
A: Licensing requirements vary by state but the background screening and paperwork is almost identical to what prospective adoptive couples must go through to complete a home study for an adoption with a private agency, including: criminal background checks, interviews, letters of reference, medical background check, family background info, home safety inspection, and completion of training about how the child welfare system operates and the special needs of children coming into foster care.

Q: Do I have any say in the children that come into my home?
A: Absolutely- you can choose the ages, gender, race, extent of neglect or abuse, and medical conditions based on what you feel comfortable with. It’s important to remember that children who come into foster care will most likely have special needs relating to neglect, abuse, or exposure to alcohol or drugs; therefore, it is very unrealistic to expect to be placed with a “perfect” child. As with adopting any child, the more open you are to different situations, the sooner you will be placed with a child. However, it is important that you be honest with what type of child is the best fit for your family.

Q: I’m afraid to foster because I don’t think I could handle the heartache that comes with saying goodbye to a child when they are reunified with their
parents.
A: I’m going to be very frank here and suggest that if the only reason you are interested in fostering is to adopt a child (and don’t get me wrong, that’s a very worthy desire), BUT you don’t want to risk any of the heartache that comes from saying goodbye to a child then perhaps you would be better suited to looking into adopting a child who is already legally free for adoption. Adoptuskids.org is a great resource for searching for children who are currently awaiting permanent homes.

The purpose of foster care is to provide temporary homes for children while their caregivers can work things out. Foster care is NOT an adoption agency. However, when parents cannot successfully work through or overcome the issues that brought their children into foster care in the first place their parental rights can be legally terminated, thus leaving children free for adoption. [Depending on what state you live in, child welfare legislation can be pro-reunification or pro-adoption.] In that sense, adopting from foster care can be a gamble and, at times, an emotional roller coaster.

HOWEVER, if you feel inspired to do foster care regardless of whether the end result is adoption or reunification, be prepared for dealing with loss. As our trainer told us, “The amount of pain you feel after a child has left your home is an indicator of how much you have cared.”

Q: What is one of the most important things you’ve learned doing foster care?
A: Probably the most important thing I’ve learned is that FAMILY IS EVERYTHING. Family background and home life are crucial factors in determining one’s future well-being. No family is perfect, but if you felt safe and cared for growing up, count your blessings. If you have family members you can rely on now, be grateful- not everyone has that kind of support available.

Another thing I’ve become more aware of, especially as I’ve had to say goodbye to my foster children, is the tremendous amount of love and selflessness that birthparents who place their children for adoption must have. These parents are willing to break their hearts for their children because they are thinking more of the needs of their child than themselves.

Similarly, putting the needs of a child above your own desires is essential to becoming a successful foster parent. It’s not easy, but putting the child’s needs first can make dealing with any frustrations or grief and loss much easier to bear and certainly puts things in their proper perspective.

Q: I feel like I’m supposed to do foster care . . . what suggestions do you have for me?

A: If you have felt inspired to become a foster parent, please don’t put off those feelings any longer!

LISTEN to those promptings, (Doctrine & Covenants 11:12)

PRAY for additional confirmations from the Spirit that this is the right thing for your family to do.

REPLACE ANY FEARS YOU MIGHT HAVE WITH LOVE since “Perfect love casteth out fear”. (1 John 4:18)

Then, GO & DO! (1 Nephi 3:7)

Becoming a foster parent may not necessarily guarantee that you get to adopt a child, but it can give you the opportunity to be an instrument in God’s hands in blessing the lives of His little ones. Your family could make a tremendous difference in the life and development of a child! Life’s richest blessings aren’t always blessings we receive, but rather how God can use us to bless the lives of others. As Dieter F. Uchtdorf has said, “In the end the number of prayers we say may contribute to our happiness, but the number of prayers we answer may be of even greater importance.”

If nothing else, fostering can give you great experience in parenting and Heavenly Father will certainly be aware that you are doing “all things that lie in your power” ( D&C 123:17) in your efforts to build an eternal family of your own while strengthening other families.

Do you have a question for Mary? Leave a comment or contact her through her blog

January Board Meeting Summary

2011-01-15T09:34:00.001-08:00

Upcoming Activities :

These calendar items are now available at the Google calendar: Colorado FSA Calendar

February
11 - Sugar cookie/Cupcake/birth family Valentine’s day cards Play group

March
5 - Temple trip and Olive Garden after
11 - Play group

April
8 - CORE training
9 - Colorado FSA Regional Conference (possibly a dinner at a restaurant on the 8th)

May
14 - 5K Run/Walk in Erie. Entry fee $25 each, Kids' Race following
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June
10 - Playgroup at park

July
8 - Playgroup splash park
29-30 - National FSA conference in Utah (Carpool starting 28^th in afternoon we will meet at 120th and I-25 for those coming from South and pick up those from North at Lincoln Monument)

August
20 - Wheatridge carnation parade

September
9 - Playgroup

October
8 - Playgroup harvest fest
15 - Temple trip (date tentative)

November
6 - National Adoption Month Firesides (Denver, Grand Junction, Colorado Springs, Northern Colorado)

December
3 - Christmas party, location TBD

Goals for the year:
Expand Outreach
Get Media coverage

Board Meetings in 2011 will be every first Wednesday

Guest Blogger: Jill's How on Earth Do You Choose?

2011-01-07T00:44:00.000-08:00

When we were searching for ways to "spread the word" that we were approved to adopt, we came across this website called The Happiest Sad. Some how Jill had found our website and added our name to her "hoping to adopt" link list. Since that time we have been following Jill's personal story about adoption. We love the insight she gives as a birth mom. We hope to encourage you to go check out her blog. Jill placed her daughter Roo and shares her thoughts, feelings, and life before and after placement. With Jill's permission, we wanted to highlight her post entitled How On Earth Do You Choose? A (Sort-Of) Guide as our Friday Finding idea. We hope that these words are helpful.
Before I begin, I would like to state for the record that for me, "choosing" was a moot point. I truly believe that I did not choose Roo's family. God chose them for her, and He simply helped me to find them. I did not choose. I found. That said, it wouldn't have been very prudent of me to say, "Okay, God, I need names." I did have to sort through profiles and have criteria of some sort. As such, I offer the following.

When I decided to meet a few couples, S suggested that I make a list of questions I wanted to ask them. I couldn't think of a single one. My mother helped me to come up with a few, based on things that were important to me. And that's what counts, I think - what's important to you? It's not a stupid question if it's important to you. In my case, the things I absolutely did not want were more plentiful than things I did want. I had a number of absolute deal-breakers. I knew I did not want a couple with pets (hello, allergies), or a couple who were politically liberal, or a couple who believed in spanking as a form of discipline. And my baby's parents had to appreciate that it was just me they were getting - I didn't have a ton of information about the birth father, and he wasn't going to be part of the openness I wanted.

The following are things to consider, whether they're really important or not. If nothing else, they’ll help you to know a couple better. Some of them might seem overly personal. But my feeling is, you’re potentially trusting these people to be the parents of your child. It’s important to be thorough. And they don't have to tell you anything they don't want to, so it can't hurt to ask.

You might not care about any of these things - that's good! I think it helps to know going into it what things are and aren't important. Not all of these things mattered to me; some did, and the rest I got from other birth moms I know.

-How long have they been married?
-Why did they choose adoption? Is it something they are both excited about or is it a second-best way of having a family?
-What are their political views? Do they vote with their party or do they vote on individual issues?
-How do they feel about spanking? What is their philosophy on discipline?
-Will they encourage their sons to serve missions? What about their daughters? Who will pay for it?
-Will the child know he or she is adopted?
-What will the child know and when?
-Will she be a stay-at-home-mom? Will the baby be in daycare or will relatives babysit?
-Yes, they have recommends, but do they regularly attend the temple?
-Are they willing to be open? What does openness mean to them?
-If your baby is biracial, how do they feel about that? Are they open to adopting outside their own race? Will they make sure the baby knows about and appreciates his or her heritage?
-Do they have any pets? Are they indoor or outdoor pets?
-How do they handle stress?
-Are they close to their families – immediate and extended?
-Do they have any plans to relocate in the next 10 years? (Visits are hard when they live on the other side of the country.)
-What family traditions did they grow up with that they want to continue with their own children?
-Do they hunt or fish?
-Who does most of the household chores? How are they divided up?
-Do they engage in any high-risk activities, like 4-wheeling or extreme sports?
-Have they had any experience with adoption before?
-Do they watch R-rated movies? (You’d be surprised)
-How do they “do” Christmas?
-Are they musical? Athletic? Literary? Witty? Ourdoorsy?
-Do they have a nursery ready? How prepared are they, right now, for a baby?
-What are their church callings? Do they enjoy them?
-What did each of them study in college?
-Did either of them serve missions?
-What kind of relationships do they have with their parents?
-If the baby is a girl, will they have her ears pierced?
-Do they like to travel? Inside the USA? Outside the USA?
-Do they have family (immediate or extended) nearby?
-How do they eat – are they vegetarian? Omnivores? Vegan? Gluten-free? Sugar-free? Organic? Do they ban refined sugar and high fructose corn syrup? How do they feel about tap water? About soda?
-Do they enjoy reading? Singing? Do they plan to read or sing to their children?
-Does their home have a pool? A Jacuzzi? Stairs? A basement? A fenced yard?
-Do they hold regular FHE already?
-Do they have any habits they wouldn’t encourage in a child?

And if you want to start off with a laugh, you can always ask how they feel about child beauty pageants. I (accidentally, and much to my embarrassment) led off with that question when I met P and M, and we got along just fine :o)

Poetry About Love

2011-01-05T08:05:00.000-08:00

An Openly Adopted Child's Legacy

By Brenda Romanchik

Once there were two expectant mothers.

One carried and cared for you beneath her beating heart

She became your Birthmother.

The other carried the hope of you within her.

She became your Mom.

As the days passed, and you grew bigger and stronger,

Your Birthmother knew that she could not give
you all you needed after your birth.

Meanwhile, your Mom was ready and waiting for you.

One day your Birthmom and your Mom found each other.

They looked into each other’s eyes and saw a friend.

Your Birthmom saw the life your Mom could give you.

Your Mom saw how much your Birthmom loved and cared for you.

They decided that what you needed was both kinds of love in your life.

So now you have two families,

One by birth, the other by adoption.

And you have a home where you can get:

your questions answered,

your boo boos bandaged,

your heartaches soothed,

And much needed hugs.

And answers to your questions,

your image in the mirror,

a part of yourself,

And much needed hugs.

Two different kinds of families

Two different kinds of love

Both a part of you.

FSA Christmas Party Pictures!

2011-01-02T22:34:00.000-08:00

It was a fun time had by all. My only wish was that i took a few more pictures of the others that came.

adorable adoptive hopefuls!

making hand print keepsake ornaments for the families and birth families!

and lots of graham cracker houses

and some cute girls near a Christmas tree ( sing that to the Partridge in a Pear tree and It's way more festive:)

Adoption Fraud: Red Flags

2010-12-27T10:08:00.000-08:00

This week we had a request to do a blog post on adoption scams (how to avoid them, what to look out for, and how do you know?) Adoption is a wonderful miracle filled with ups and downs. There is risk involved when using the Internet but we hope that if you take precautions that you will be prepared to watch out for potential fraud.

Remember adoption scams are not just about money. Sometimes the scammer is doing it for a variety of reasons and it may just be an emotional scam.

Red Flags

Asking for $$$$
Multiples (twins, triplets, etc..)
Tragedy or Drama
Dates are incorrect
Early in the pregnancy
1st contact is an instant message
No Commitment (will chat or text for hours)
No emotions
No proof of pregnancy
Not willing to contact agency
They don’t know anything about your profile

Remember that your best defense is your own common sense. If it sounds too good to be true, then check the details. Let your caseworker know about your contact and help you dissect the information.

Be A Fraud Detective

Birth Parent alerts on Parent Profiles
Yahoo Message Boards
Google search (email address, user id or phone#)
Google Image search
Reverse Phone look up (switchboard.com)
“Didtheyreadit.com” Email tracer
Other adoptive couples

Sometimes it's not what you know but who you know. Other Couples in FSA, family members, or friends may be a good resource tool to help uncover or recover from a potential adoption fraud situation. Your case worker is also there if you have questions.

Contact

Be yourself, honest and open (use caution)
Remember initial contact is only “get to know you”
Have a standard list of questions to ask
Keep a notepad handy to write notes
Confirm a follow up time after 1st contact (don’t leave it open ended)
Move on to more important issues as contacts continue
Get them to agency as soon as possible

We'd like to stress to the last point "get them to the agency as soon as possible." Not only is working with your agency a protection for you; It is also a valuable resource for expectant parents. The assistance and counsel a caseworker can provide in developing a life plan is priceless and free (through LDS Family Services), whether they choose adoption, single parenting or marriage, the information they will gather will be a help so they can succeed with their life plan.

Things to Avoid

Commit to anything you are not comfortable with
Send a picture of your house
Give out personal/identifying information
Give money directly to Birth Mother
Make promises you cant keep

Remember that initial contact with expectant parents is usually like a blind date. You usually don't share all your personal information on the first date. Be courteous, kind, and careful.

What would you add? Have you had personal experience with adoption scams and would be willing to share your story?

*ideas and lists were taken from the 3 R's of the Internet: Reality, Risk, Reward delivered at the FSA National Conference

Remembering Birth Parents

2010-12-15T00:31:00.000-08:00

How do you celebrate your children's birth parents? Do you celebrate them with stories, pictures, gifts, poems or some other way? When your child has a question about their birth parents, how do you respond?

Today we are thinking of birth parents. We would like to brainstorm some ideas on how best to remember the birth parents that have placed children. We hope these ideas will inspire others in remembering and talking to your children about their birth parents.

She Who is a Birth-Mother

by Suzy Toronto

She carries within her a precious, precious life...

One that empowers her to give the unparalleled gift of motherhood

To another woman.

The choice is not easy.

Such monumental decisions seldom are.

The conflict raging in her heart tugs back and forth

As she struggles to let go.

Will her child really be better off?

She closes her eyes and lifts her face toward heaven,

And she says a silent prayer.

Then she catches the vision of a family.

A mom, a dad, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins...

All weeping with joy over this treasured infant...

The newest member of their family...

The miracle they thought they'd never see.

She softly begins to cry.

With a breaking heart and perfect clarity of mind,

A still-small voice whispers her thundering decision...

"It will not be easy,

But it is right."

*taken from the FSA Adoptive Applicant Handbook August 13, 2005 page 46

Together by Divine Design

2010-12-10T00:31:00.000-08:00

Have you received your very own personal copy of this year's Families Supporting Adoption International Conference 2010 Together by Divine Design DVD.

This is a 3-disc set of the best of the best from the Adoption Conference that was held at the Davis Conference Center in Layton, Utah in July 2010.

The DVD covers:

Keynote Address: Brandon Doman

Understanding Birth Parents

Communication with Birth Parents

Managing Multiple Relationship with Birth Families

Teens and Adoption:What was I Thinking?

Husbands of Birth Mothers

How do I guide and Support my Child?

There is Hope in Grieving and Joy in Healing

Who You Are Is Not What You've Done

If you are still undecided about whether you want to own this DVD, check out Mrs. R's review of the FSA Conference. Also it's free.

Take the challenge and decide today that you want to attend next year's conference. The conference is scheduled at Davis Conference Center in Layton, Utah on July 29th and 30th, 2011. Save the Date!

We'd love to hear from those that attended last year or have seen this DVD and tell us what you think. What did you like about these presentations? What didn't you like about these presentations?

Power of Positive Language

2010-12-07T08:48:00.000-08:00

How can I help advocate adoption if I haven't yet adopted? Or I'm too busy with my family that I don't have any time.

The answer to these questions are the same "try and speak the language of adoption." As you become more familiar or aware of the words you use you will be more capable of advocating for adoption within your circle of influence.

The words you use are a vital part of educating yourselves and other people about adoption. Words do more than convey facts--they also evoke feelings. If you use positive words when discussing adoption, you can encourage others to view adoption in a more positive perspective. It will help you to discuss adoption more clearly within your extended family and with your children as they arrive.

Inappropriate terms imply that the biological parents have no concern or love for their child or what happens to them. Appropriate terms indicate that the biological parents love their child and are actively involved in planning for the future.

Terms related to Children:

Child: a general term signifying a young human being in need of parenting.
My child: Describes a particular person's responsibility to a child.
My adopted child: "Adopted" emphasizes difference and implies: "I am not responsible for this child's heredity."
My child who was adopted: Appropriate term, if it is necessary to indicate the adoption.
Biological child: Accurate way to describe direct descent from parents of conception.
Illegitimate child: Literally manes that a child has no father.
Born out of wedlock: Preferable to "illegitimate child."
Unwanted child: Not appropriate term.

Terms related to Parents:

Biological Parents: parents of conception.
Natural Parents: Used often in legal settings. Not a positive term since it implies that adoptive parents are "unnatural."
Birth father or birth mother: Used widely to describe parents of conception.
Genetic parent: Same as Above
Unmarried mother: Often used by agencies to describe biological mothers of adopted children
Putative father: A legal term that is used to describe the father who may or may not be the biological father of a child.
Real father or real mother: Terms used in society to describe biological parents. Not appropriate since it implies that adoptive parents do not act as "real parents."
Inappropriate: 'put up for adoption', 'adopted out', 'abandoned', and 'give up a child'
Appropriate terms: 'arranging for an adoption', 'making a placement plan for a child', and 'arranging for a transfer of parental rights.'

*Taken from the FSA Adoptive Applicant Handbook titled Adoption Terminology by Tom Craner, LCSW, Ogden, UT Agency

Are there other words that you like to use in your family? We would love to hear from you! Leave a comment.

Newspaper Article

2010-12-03T09:54:00.000-08:00

Tirsa and Blaine Allen were highlighted in the The Longmont Daily Times newspaper for their experiences with bringing children into their home. See the article HERE (they are the third story-from Firestone).

National Adoption Month

2010-11-30T07:52:00.000-08:00

At the end of this special month, spend some time on https://www.adoptioncouncil.org/ and learn more about all aspects of adoption: foster care, legislation, international adoption, etc.

National Adoption Month

2010-11-29T07:33:00.000-08:00

Join an adoptive parent support group. Find a group near you at adoptivefamilies.com/supportgroup. There are all sorts of different support groups all over the area. Find the one that fits you!

National Adoption Month

2010-11-28T07:47:00.000-08:00

Write an account of a local family that has done something noteworthy for adoption, and send it to your local newspaper.

National Adoption Month

2010-11-27T07:46:00.000-08:00

Make holiday crafts that incorporate designs from your child’s heritage, or adoption. They can represent how you feel about adoption, or how you feel about the child you have/are waiting for.

National Adoption Month

2010-11-26T07:43:00.000-08:00

You know all of those leftovers you have? Invite your friends over for an adoption celebration! Invite those who are involved in adoption, and those who aren't. Prepare articles to read, topics to discuss, etc. that will show everyone the miracle that adoption is!

National Adoption Month

2010-11-25T07:39:00.000-08:00

Find an orphanage or foster family that could use help with Thanksgiving Dinner. Donate food, money, or time in helping them. If you have older children, get them involved, too!

National Adoption Month

2010-11-24T07:39:00.000-08:00

Write an account of a local family that has done something noteworthy for adoption, and send it to your local newspaper.

National Adoption Month

2010-11-23T07:37:00.000-08:00

Write a thank-you letter to the judge, social worker, or other professional who made your adoption happen. If you haven't yet adopted, write a letter to people who are helping you make it happen, inspiring/comforting you in your adoption process.

when are the next few CORE trainings?

2010-11-22T18:21:00.001-08:00

These are the CORE training classes for the upcoming year. These are a mandatory course that anyone who is filling out the adoption paperwork with LDSFS needs to take before they can be approved. Please look over the dates and if you would like to sign up for one please email below.

Couples should plan on attending together, it is an all day event you will have breaks as well as time to go to lunch.

Jan 14

Apr 8

Jul 8

Oct 14

All from 8:30-5
Please email FAM-CO@ldsfamilyservices.org if you are wanting to be a part of one of these

Ask me anything

National Adoption Month

2010-11-22T07:35:00.000-08:00

Organize a holiday toy drive for children waiting for permanent families. Involve your child’s class, team, or Scout group. I know a lot of stores have "angel trees" for children in foster care, or orphanages. It's just a little bit you can do to help.

National Adoption Month

2010-11-21T07:28:00.000-08:00

Find a family adoption event near you—or add your own—at adoptivefamilies.com/ calendar. (and trust me, there really are amazing things going on ALL OVER our part of the world!)

National Adoption Month

2010-11-20T07:48:00.000-08:00

NATIONAL ADOPTION DAY ! Courts across the country will finalize thousands of adoptions today. See national adoptionday.org for more information.

National Adoption Awareness Month

2010-11-19T07:26:00.000-08:00

Print “Accurate Adoption Language” from adoptivefamilies.com/pdf/stylebook.pdf, and send it to your local newspaper.

National Adoption Month

2010-11-18T07:00:00.000-08:00

Pass along an adoption-related article to another adoptive parent or friend.

Want to read some great stories about adoption? Go here, to http://www.itsaboutlove.org/. Watch some videos from birth moms here.

It's time to PARTY Please RSVP

2010-11-18T05:34:00.000-08:00

Famous adoptive couple right here in Colorado

2010-11-17T12:44:00.001-08:00

http://www.southplattesentinel.com/

Spotlight Wednesday: Robert and Clover

2010-11-17T08:00:00.000-08:00

Dear Friend,

It is difficult for us to imagine what you might be experiencing and how you are feeling. We know you are faced with difficult decisions and uncertainty; our hope is that you have people in your life who are giving you the support that you need during this time in your life.

Please take a moment to learn a bit about us below. You can view our complete profile on the LDS Family Services Website. You can also learn more about us or contact us through our Blog or Website.

About Our Beginnings

Clover was raised on a ranch in the mountains of Northern California in a family, with one older sister. Clover’s Mother and Sister live in town not far from our ranch. Clover has 2 nephews and 2 nieces. Clover’s Father passed away in 2005.

As a young girl, Clover was considered a "tomboy" since she loved being outside and helping her Dad work on the house and around the farm. When she wasn't outside, Clover enjoyed learning to cook at her Mother’s side. Having grown up in a loving, fun family, Clover has always looked forward to the day she would be able to raise a family of her own.

Robert was born and raised on a ranch in the same area of Northern California. He is the oldest of many! Robert has 2 little brothers, one step brother, one step sister, one adopted brother and one adopted sister.

As a child Robert loved to play cowboys and Indians and Tonka trucks in the sand box and Cowboys and Indians with his little brother Jason.

Robert’s parents divorced in early 2000, and his Mother remarried a wonderful man, who is a good provider and great example. Robert’s Mom is a very compassionate person who works for the school district helping troubled kids to find their way in the world and build stronger relationships at home. She still lives in Northern California.

Together

We met when we were young teenagers; we grew up together going to church and school and started dating in high school.

We were married in the Oakland California Temple in 1997 and have been blessed to have over 13 years together to build a strong relationship and foundation. Our relationship and dealings with others are based on honor, integrity, love and joy. We honor our vows every day.

In 1999, we moved to Colorado where we now live on a 46 acre ranch on the Eastern Plains with a variety of animals; dogs, cats, horses, fish and goats. We work together, we play together. Nothing forges a stronger bond than working side by side to make dreams become reality.

We have experienced many adventures together that have strengthened us individually and together. We discovered our plan of having a family was not going to follow the path we originally thought. However, we have been blessed to see the Lord's hand in our lives and His divine guidance in pointing us towards the blessing of adoption. For this, we will always be very grateful.

We have an abundance of love and want to share our lives and love with a child and with that child’s extended family. We look forward to raising a child with enthusiasm, thoughtfulness and great care. We share your desire: that your child is provided a safe, stable home filled with laughter, learning, and most of all, and unconditional love.

If you choose adoption for your child, we can assure you that any child who comes to our home will know all the love we have in our hearts, as well as the love of his/her birthparents. As you get to know us, we hope you'll see the happiness and joy we have in our marriage, the love we have in abundance, and the strong foundation we have built.

We respect you and are amazed at your selfless interest in the future of your child as you consider adoption. We know that you have difficult decisions to make; we also know that you will be blessed as you seek divine guidance in this decision. As you listen to your heart and consider all your choices, we hope you’ll find comfort and peace of mind in whatever decisions you make. Please know that you are not alone.

We hope you have a wonderful day and look forward to hearing from you in the near future! Please view our complete profile through LDSFS and check out our Blog and Website.

Much Joy,

Robert & Clover

National Adoption Month

2010-11-17T07:00:00.000-08:00

Bake cookies for someone who has helped you through the adoption process. Make them for your caseworker, the office staff, your Bishop, or anyone else who has helped you along the way. Has someone handed out a lot of your pass along cards? Give them a big plate...and some more cards!

Story Time Reminder

2010-11-16T18:56:00.001-08:00

Time	18 November · 09:30 - 11:00

Location	Highlands Ranch Library, preschool room 9292 Ridgeline Blvd. Highlands Ranch, CO

Created by:	Colorado FSA-- Families Supporting Adoption

More info	The library is going to put on a special story time about adoption for Adoption Awareness month! It will be a great time to bring your friends and your kids and celebrate their adoption, as well as to spread awareness about adoption. It is going to be great! To find the preschool room, walk into the children's room and the door to the preschool room is in the back right-hand corner, behind the puppet show stage. After the story time, you can also play at the Civic Green Park that is right behind the library. We hope to see you all there!

National Adoption Month

2010-11-16T07:00:00.000-08:00

Look into becoming a foster parent. There are many children in need of a home. Even if you're not ready to begin the adoption process, becoming a foster parent is a great alternative. You're still providing a child with a loving and stable home. And this can make all the difference in the life of that child.

Go here for more information.

National Adoption Month

2010-11-15T07:00:00.000-08:00

Blog about adoption awareness. And if you have personal experience in adoption, share that as well. You never know who you can touch and how you can change someone's perspective.

If you don't have a blog, write an email to your friends and family.

Do you blog?

2010-11-14T15:23:00.000-08:00

Do you blog? Do you have an adoption blog where your family is looking to adopt? Or a birth mother blog that you would like to share to help. Have you already adopted and are looking to share your story?

Please drop your blog in the comment section and we will get it posted on the side for you.

National Adoption Month

2010-11-14T07:00:00.000-08:00

Make a family tree that includes both adoptive and birth children. This solidifies that it doesn't matter if one has different birth parents; he or she is still an important and loved member of your family. Creating this family tree encourages unity within your family unit, increasing the strength within your familial bonds.

For some fun family trees to print out and fill in, go here. They even have family trees for adoptive families here.

National Adoption Month

2010-11-13T08:00:00.000-08:00

With your family, brainstorm and create a new family tradition. This doesn't necessarily have to be adoption-related. It can be a new tradition for the upcoming Christmas holiday, or a family summer tradition after school has ended. The important thing is to continue growing closer as a family.

Anyone have any favorite family traditions?

Saturday Success Story

2010-11-13T07:00:00.000-08:00

Today's success story is a video found by a member of our FSA group. The author of the movie, Sara, and her husband adopted two children from Ethiopia and she was willing to share it with us. Enjoy!

Open adoption promises

2010-11-12T17:53:00.000-08:00

Many of you are in or have or would like Open Adoptions. Recently on the blogosphere world of adoption there has been some negativity about such adoptions. Mostly for promises made by adopters not kept for the Birth Mother or Birth family. Closing adoptions a year after placement or more.

Below is a story on "keeping your word" now the story has absolutely nothing to do with adoption but the moral rings true for adoption as it does for the situation in the story. Don't make promises to birth mothers that you can't or wont keep, or if you have adopted, keep those promises that you have made. There is no paper document to keep your adotion "open" but we hope the section from a November 2008 talk by Richard J. Maynes will remind us all how very important it is to keep your word to those you have made it with.

Keeping Our Word--By Elder Richard J. Maynes Of the Seventy 2008

Many years ago when I was president of a company that specialized in factory automation, I was confronted with a situation that taught me the importance of keeping promises no matter the cost. Our company was going through a phase of rapid growth. We were engineering, fabricating, and installing automated production lines in factories around the world. We were hiring personnel and building increased factory capacity as fast as we could.

We had accepted an equipment order on a large project in northern England for a multi-national corporation and had agreed to a specific delivery date on the project. As the promised day approached, it became obvious that we would miss the scheduled date by approximately three weeks.

While studying the detailed schedule of the project, we realized that we had a shipment window of approximately three weeks. The production-line equipment would be shipped from our California factory over land to New Orleans, transported via cargo ship to Liverpool, and then moved across land to northern England.

We quickly realized that the only way we would be able to keep our word and make the delivery date would be a very expensive option. We decided to lease wide-bodied jets and ship all the equipment for the English factory via airfreight. This option cost hundreds of thousands of dollars and eliminated our anticipated profit. The financial cost of keeping our word was high; but you can’t put a dollar figure on a good night’s sleep.

Several months later I was in Malaysia negotiating a similar project with a different company. We had reviewed with the customer all of the engineering drawings, design concepts, and financial aspects of the project. We were coming to the conclusion of our negotiation session when the highest-ranking executive representing the customer asked, “Will you be able to honor the delivery date?” Our team huddled for a moment to review the time constraints, and then we stated that yes, we could make the date.

Much to my surprise the executive responded by saying, “We know you will. We have heard all about what you did in England to keep your word. The project is yours.” A week later the purchase order arrived.

Our company could never have spent enough money on advertising in the trade magazines to develop the goodwill we had created throughout the world because of one simple act of being honest and keeping our word.

When a man takes an oath... he's holding his own self in his own hands. Like water. And if he opens his fingers then - he needn't hope to find himself again. ~Robert Bolt

National Adoption Month

2010-11-12T07:00:00.000-08:00

Friday is a great night for a movie night, right? Well, then celebrate adoption by watching a movie!

Rent a DVD that portrays adoption in a positive light for your family to watch and discuss. Try Hotel for Dogs, Because of Winn-Dixie, or The Tigger Movie. (These were the suggested titles...list some others to give everyone ideas.)

National Adoption Month

2010-11-11T07:00:00.000-08:00

Create a scrapbook with your child. Talk about significant events as you record them together. Get started with tips and tools at www.adoptivefamilies.com/scrapbooks.

For those waiting for your children, start their scrapbook with information about you and your spouse. What do you like to do, what are you planning for the future, and how are you preparing for your child to join your family?

Leave a comment with ideas if you have thought of or started an adoption scrapbook.

Spotlight Wednesday: Jeremiah and Courtney

2010-11-10T07:00:00.000-08:00

When we found that we could no longer have children, we understood adoption could be a possibility for our family. After much prayer and consideration, we feel that now is the time for our family to adopt. We have had much discussion and prayer about this topic and we feel it is important that our children be close in age to help strengthen their relationship as siblings.

We are excited to have an addition to our family. We hope that you will consider our family as the family for your child. We pray that you may find comfort as you face this difficult decision.

Our names are Jeremiah and Courtney. This year, we celebrated our 5th anniversary. We have two wonderful kids. Logan is 4 and an absolute delight. He is a charmer and an entertainer and a great addition to our home. Rachel is 3 and all girl. She loves her baby dolls and is rarely seen without one.

We had always planned on having more kids, but after complications with both pregnancies, we found that it is not possible for us to have more children of our own. Logan was born at 27 weeks and both Logan and Courtney nearly died in the delivery. Rachel was born at 37 weeks, and Courtney experienced complications, followed by bed rest for the last five months of the pregnancy.

As for our family, Jeremiah is a wonderful dad. He has a great time getting down on the floor and playing with the kids. He is close to completing his Bachelor’s Degree and will be taking over the family business in the next few years. He served a mission to Mesa, Arizona. He is currently teaching Primary at church and is in the Scouting program.

At this time in her life, Courtney’s main focus is to be a stay-at-home mom. She loves the time she gets to spend with her kids. Once a week, when Jeremiah can be home with the kids, she finds time to visit massage therapy clients. Courtney was also called to serve a mission to Arizona.

We are blessed to live close to both sides of the family. We both come from large families and our kids love time with their cousins. We enjoy getting together often, especially when it includes Grandma and Papa.

When we found that we could no longer have children, we understood adoption could be a possibility for our family. After much prayer and consideration, we feel that now is the time for our family to adopt. We have had much discussion and prayer about this topic and we feel it is important that our children be close in age to help strengthen their relationship as siblings.

As we said before, we will never understand all that you have gone through and we are learning as we experience the anticipation and excitement of adoption. We feel so fortunate to be able to have children of our own and experience the bond that comes from that. We now feel fortunate to have the opportunity to add to our family even though we cannot do it for ourselves. We are anxious to form this bond with your child and welcome them as a member of our eternal family.

We are open to having an open adoption that includes sharing photographs and letters updating you on the milestones and accomplishments in the child’s life.

Again, we are excited to have an addition to our family. We hope that you will consider our family as the family for your child. We pray that you may find comfort as you face this difficult decision.

Sincerely,

Jeremiah and Courtney

For more pictures and information, you can view our profile through LDS Family Services here.

National Adoption Month

2010-11-10T06:00:00.000-08:00

Print the handout “8 Myths and Realities About Adoption” here. Distribute it in your community, school, and place of worship.

A few of my favorite things

2010-11-09T13:03:00.001-08:00

Always wonder what people REALLY think about baby items. Here are a few of my most haves of baby items or will never live without.

1.Our baby video monitor, not only did it help us moving our little one to her own room but it's nice to have just to check on her without waking her up.

2. The Bumbo, this little jewel of a seat helped our little one sit up before she could sit up, it gave her a nice change from just laying on the floor being held or in her swing

3. Our little one had trouble sleeping through the night until someone told us to use a swaddle blanket. So we tried this and worked like a charm the first time...she slept 9 hours and we shot awake to make sure she was still breathing.
What about you? Have you found anything AMAZING wonderful or something you just would never live without for your baby? Please share

National Adoption Month

2010-11-09T07:00:00.000-08:00

Today, you can help celebrate adoption and help children in need!

Ask your local television or radio station to feature a waiting child in your state. See http://www.adoptuskids.org/ for more information.

Wouldn't it be great if even just a few of us did this? Well, what if all of us did it?

National Adoption Month

2010-11-08T07:00:00.000-08:00

How can you celebrate adoption?

Invite local adoptive families to your home for hot chocolate and cookies or a multicultural buffet. If you are feeling really adventerous...announce the event in your community newspaper.

National Adoption Month

2010-11-07T07:00:00.000-08:00

Want to know a great way to celebrate adoption? Come to the FSA Fireside tonight!!! It is at 7 pm at the Littleton Stake Center at 1939 E. Easter Ave. See you there!

And, you can also make an effort to help someone who is considering adoption. If you’re a parent, tell them about the highs, the lows, the unforgettable moments. Tell them why you’d do it all over again. If you are hoping to adopt, tell them about the highs and the lows that you have experienced.

TWO FIRESIDES

2010-11-07T06:14:00.000-08:00

Today we have the one here...
in a couple weeks there will also be one in Colorado Springs!!! Thanks so much to all the wonderful people who are making all of this possible!!!

Saturday Success Story: Open Adoption

2010-11-06T08:00:00.000-07:00

This week's success story is from Becca and Scot and their experience with open adoption. If you have a story you want to share, let us know!

We lived in Austin, Texas for a few years while my husband was doing grad school. That's where we went through infertility procedures, where we applied and were approved for adoption, and ultimately Riley was born in San Antonio. We got together with her birthmother, M, three times between the placement and when we moved to Colorado less than two years later. For the last year we were in Austin, and continuing after we moved, our contact with M was always through email, and was infrequent and irregular. We were very reassuring to her that we wanted as much contact as she was comfortable with. But she was a teenage girl going through a very tough time, and she needed that space.

We started emailing a little more regularly early in 2010. Then one night that spring, while my husband and I were in a Saturday evening Stake Conference meeting, I got a very strong impression that we should invite M to come visit us. Scot and I talked about it and we agreed that we should follow that prompting. But I didn't know how to approach it with M. It seemed a little out of the blue, and I didn't want her to feel like we were pressuring her in any way. So I stewed over it for a week or two, until I had a dream one night that a couple I knew and whose child I cared about very much were moving to Tennessee. I woke up wondering again how M felt when we told her we were moving away from Texas.

I didn't waste any time after that dream. I emailed her and told her exactly the thoughts and feelings that had been on my mind, and extended the invitation to fly her up her for a visit. She replied the same day and told me that she'd love to come. She got the time off work, I booked her ticket, and the rest is history.

We've been very open with Riley about her adoption story, and will be with Asher when he's just a little older. Her understanding is limited by her age, but she knows that she grew in M's tummy and that M loves her very much because she was her Mom before I was. Riley loved having M here. What three-year-old wouldn't love having an extra person around to play with them, read to them, and give them hugs and attention?

As for M and me, that week brought us a lot closer together. We know each other as individuals now, not just through our roles in Riley's life. We're Facebook friends now, and keep in touch that way. I expect there will be more visits from M in the future, and someday when our kids our older we'll definitely take them to San Antonio to visit M, Six Flags, and Sea World.

We frequently include one or both of their birthmoms in our family and personal prayers. We love and honor those two women for the incredibly selfless choices that they made for their children. I'm sure both kids will have questions as they get older and Scot and I will do our best to answer them. But there will also be questions that we won't have answers to, and for that reason (among many others), I hope we will be able to maintain contact with both their birthfamilies. That way the channels will already be open for those sorts of discussions.

We don't really have any way of knowing that the way we're handling things is best. There is plenty of research showing that kids from open adoptions fare better than those from closed adoptions. But not only is every child different, every birthmom is too. We just take things one step at a time, pray a lot, and try to do what seems best for everyone.

I don't yet have any experience with closed adoption. However, we will be adopting a little boy from Korea in a year or so, and foreign adoption is a whole different ballgame when it comes to this topic. I know the challenges will be different, but I know God will give us the strength and wisdom to guide this child and help him manage his feelings about his adoption and birthfamily.

National Adoption Month

2010-11-06T07:00:00.000-07:00

Ready to celebrate adoption today?

Celebrate your child's heritage through a new recipe, a cultural dance, or traditional fairytales. If your child's heritage isn't different from your own, let your child select any heritage for your family to learn more about and to celebrate. If you don't have children, celebrate your own heritage...or a heritage you wish was a part of your family.

National Adoption Month

2010-11-05T11:00:00.000-07:00

In case you didn't see the previous post, check it out.

If you did, here is how you can celebrate adoption today:

Read an adoption-specific book. This can be in any genre that you like best. If you're a member of a book club, suggest the entire group read an adoption-specific book.

Anyone have any suggestions for good adoption books to read?

November is National Adoption Month

2010-11-05T06:00:00.000-07:00

Did you know that every year the President of the United States declares November National Adoption Month? Well, he does. Check it out here.

So, what does this mean? Well, according to the U.S. Department of Human Health and Services, "November is National Adoption Month, a month set aside each year to raise awareness about the adoption of children and youth from foster care." How can you help? Spread the good word about adoption! While some of those involved with FSA have looked into and adopted children from the foster care program, some of us have not...but we still love adoption. And we can still promote it and celebrate it!

Although we are a few days late, we will be posting an idea to help celebrate adoption in your own family every day for the rest of the month. These ideas will come from different adoption month calendars. You can find them here and here. We will try to make the ideas as applicable as possible to everyone, but please, help us by being creative with them. If you have an idea of a great way to celebrate adoption, post a comment and let us know so we can feature your idea!

Adoption Advocacy: Decorate your Car

2010-11-04T10:48:00.000-07:00

Remember this post where we talked about getting a magnet for your car door telling people you are hoping to adopt?

Well, you can get another magnet to advocate adoption. Kelly has one in his office, and I'm sure he puts it on his car when he is traveling. The great thing about these magnets is you can design them, pick any color, and any saying. Another option to decorate your car would be to get a piece of vinyl to put on your back window. There are a lot of places online you could order, or you could just find someone with a vinyl machine and print out your message. Not sure what to say or put on the magnet? Anything promoting adoption--here are some ideas.

Adoption: It's about love.

Adoption has blessed our family!

Adoption is Amazing!

I'm adopted!

We love our birth family!

It would be a great idea to put the web address to LDS Family Services as well so people can check it out...http://www.itsaboutlove.org/.

What would you put on your magnet?

Bring your best...

2010-11-03T07:59:00.001-07:00

...photos, poetry, art etc., to display at the Adoption Fireside this Sunday, at the Littleton Stake Center! In each foyer ( if we have enough) we will have display tables and easels set up for your creations and pictures. We had a display like this at the National Conference and it was fantastic. It gave a great view to all those in attendance on what Adoption means to them. Who knows maybe your placement or family pic will mean something special to someone there. You may also bring a small stake of pass along cards to have on the tables!

Also, Please feel free to bring a scrumptious treat to share for the mingle afterward! Something like cookies, bars, cupcakes ( no forks necessary)!

Can't wait to see you there!
~Corrine Christian

Do you want to share your story on our blog?

2010-10-25T11:34:00.000-07:00

Everyone has a story they want to share with the world, right? Well, we want to hear your stories! We want to hear about your experiences with adoption, regardless of where you are in your adoption process.

Are you hoping to adopt?

Do you have an experience that has helped you during your waiting process? Have you had a great experience sharing your information or pass along cards with someone? If so, we want to hear about it and share your success story!
Has your family been spotlighted? If you are approved for adoption and haven't been, we want to get to know you. Here is what we need:

A short introduction to your family (350-500 words)
One or two pictures of your family
A blog address, if you have one and want to share it (if you don't have a blog and want us to post your profile through LDS Family Services, let me know)

Have you already adopted?

Do you have an experience that helped you while you were hoping to adopt? Have you had a great experience after your adoption? Have you adopted through another agency or have any experience with foster care? If so, we want to hear about it and share your success story!
Do you want to share your adoption story with us?

If you want to share your stories with us, leave a comment here or send an email to andrewbrianna21@gmail.com
We can't wait to hear from you!

Adoption Advocacy

2010-10-21T08:15:00.000-07:00

Start learning the laws pertaining to adoption. Research the things that are happening well, and the things that can be improved in the process. Knowing the laws not only educates you to advocate for yourself, but to get involved and help improve the process for others!

http://laws.adoption.com/

Spotlight Wednesday: Julie

2010-10-20T07:00:00.000-07:00

This week's spotlight is Julie. We spotlighted Julie earlier as a contract worker for LDS Family Services, but now she is working part time for the agency! Some adoptive couples will be working with Julie; you will recieve notice soon if you are one of them.

Hi, I’m Julie Walker and I’m hoping to get to meet many of you and your families. I was born in Provo, UT but spent most of my growing up years in Lakewood, CO. After high school I attended BYU where I earned a BSW in Social Work. After graduating I worked for The Children’s Aid Society of Utah, where I worked with birthmothers and adoptive families from 54th South in Salt Lake to St. George. It was a wonderful blessing in my life.

Subsequently, I earned an MBA from BYU, returned to Colorado and worked for a company who assisted banks improve their sales and service quality. When my first son was born I chose to be a full-time mom. Now my husband, Steve, and I have two sons and a daughter. My “baby” just started 1st grade and I am excited to return to the field I love so much.

Would you like to be spotlighted on the blog? If so, please leave a comment here with just your first names, or email coloradofsa@gmail.com, and I will get you the information you need.

FSA Haunted House Activity-Cancelled

2010-10-13T15:01:00.001-07:00

Hello everyone! Due to not enough interest at this time and difficult schedules, the Haunted House FSA activity for this Friday, the 15th has been cancelled. Sorry!

We will still get to decorate gingerbread houses...we will just do it in December.

We are going to be having an FSA Christmas Party on Saturday, December 4th, and all of the FSA members in Colorado and Wyoming will be invited. There will be plenty of fun for everyone, so keep your schedules open for this!

Adoption Advocacy

2010-10-12T07:00:00.000-07:00

I got this idea from community.adoption.com

Advocate with Books!

Whether you have the resources to buy books or not, you can start advocating adoption with books. Go to your local library and start reading! Ask people around you if they have any suggestions for good adoption books. You'd be amazed at what kinds of discussions this can lead to. When you find a book that you absolutely love, buy some (if you are able), start giving them away as gifts to your friends, etc. You could have a book club; in person, on facebook, on your blog, etc. If your local library has a limited supply of these kinds of books, start requesting that they get some. The more books in the library, the more people from all walks of life are able to research and learn. You could even ask the librarian to put one on display so that people who might not otherwise read it have the opportunity!

November story time

2010-10-11T20:23:00.001-07:00

Since November is Adoption Awareness month, we are going to have a special story time about adoption put on by the Highlands Ranch Library for our play group! The story lady is great and she is really excited for this story time. We are hoping to have a great turn out so that she will want to do the same thing again next year!

Who: Everyone is invited (with or without children)
When: Thursday, November 18th at 9:30 am
Where: Highlands Ranch Library (9292 Ridgeline Blvd., Highlands Ranch CO) in the preschool room
To find the preschool room, walk into the children's room and the door to the preschool room is in the back right-hand corner, behind the puppet show stage.

This is going to be a great opportunity to raise awareness about adoption and to have a great time while listening to great kids stories about adoption. After the story time, you can also play at the Civic Green Park that is right behind the library. We hope to see you all there!